How My Epic Fail Revealed My Shallow Motives of Success

by desing | Faith & Purpose

It was almost this time a year ago that I entered one of the most challenging, toughest, testing seasons of my life – even though most people around me didn’t know it.

My book, Take the Limits Off Your Legacy, had just been released and I had a book launch event that was an epic fail! It was pouring raining, pretty much nobody showed up and my boyfriend ending up covering most of the cost of the venue because I made NO money off the event.  I was mortified, embarrassed and I never felt so insignificant in my life. To add insult to injury, that same week, I had to cancel the launch of my Made to Succeed Academy: Summer Institute (summer program for teen girls) because I only had ONE student apply for the program.

This is only a piece of what was going on because if I get into all the details, I’ll be writing another 30 pages but just know that everything in my life was being tested.

I had had it and decided to go into the only safe place I knew which was my prayer time. I got rid of all distractions and I started to look for guidance, clarity and understanding on why all hell was breaking loose. Why was everything I touched failing?

That’s when it hit me and I discovered something really embarrassing about myself. My desire for success was rooted in the shallowest reasons. I was still struggling with my identity, sense of meaning and self-worth and I was seeking my validation in my success. I wanted to prove to myself, my family and those who didn’t believe in me that I was indeed powerful, worthy and successful.

I wanted the benefits of success but I didn’t want the process. I wanted to stunt on Instagram and validate that my life had meaning. I had a competitive and envious spirit that wanted to be like all the other successful women we see on social media and that’s exactly why I wasn’t succeeding.

My motives sucked!

Once I discovered that, I went to work on it. I would check my motives on any and every endeavor before I decided to commit to it. If I felt that shallow, competitive, low self-worth feeling then I would walk away from the opportunity which is something that I still have remind myself of. Once I recognized that my circumstances don’t define who I am and I started pursing goals with a positive intention, then I started to actually see changes in achieving my goals!

So I ask you, what’s the real reason that you want to be successful? Are you trying to get to 500K followers on Instagram to feel validated? Do you want to be rich to over compensate the insecurity that stems in your childhood because you grew up poor? Do you want to get married and have children so you can feel that your life has meaning or so you can be like all the other women getting engaged on Facebook?

Until you recognize that you’re bad all by yourself meaning that your wholeness, identity, meaning, purpose and sense of approval stems from within yourself only – not in your circumstances then you’ll keep hitting roadblocks. Not only that, you’ll also never feel permanently secure. Those outside circumstances can be here today and gone tomorrow which is why many people can fall into depression when those challenges come. Those lies in your head tell you that something is wrong with you or that you’re not good enough.

Those are lies and far from the truth! You’re whole, complete, beautiful, and significant with meaning and purpose just as you are. Your life is an assignment that has been specifically designed for you and you alone. You have a purpose to fulfill and no matter what you’re going through, you are bad all by yourself!

Take the time this week to have a real conversation with yourself and check the intentions behind your success. Be honest and if there’s something you discover that needs to change, get to work on it! So many times we’re in such a rush to birth our dreams that we forget to work on ourselves. Talent will take you somewhere that character can’t sustain you so make sure your character is intact before you start pursuing your goals.

XOXO,

Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy
@iammariamelendez

What Ants Can Teach Us About Goals

by desing | Faith & Purpose

Every week I like to empower, educate and inspire you with a special “Embrace Her Legacyism” message and over the years, I’ve heard so many testimonies from you who’ve told me how these messages have motivated you.

I just write what’s on my heart and I normally draw inspiration from something I’m learning, going through or been through. So last week, I had to take my own advice on something that I’ve shared for years and that’s when you have a goal that isn’t manifesting the way you thought it would, don’t change the goal but change the strategy to get there. I learned this from that late personal development guru, Jim Rohn.

There are certain business goals that I’ve had for over a year now and I’ve been using the same action steps to try to conquer those goals but those strategies were not working at all, whatsoever. I stubbornly kept doing the same thing, expecting to get different results and we know that’s the definition of insanity.

After realizing this, I told myself to “think like an ant.” I know that may seem weird but have you ever stopped to analyze how ants work? Those itty bitty creatures know the meaning of getting the goal accomplished no matter what! If an ant is carrying a speck of bread back to his queen, nothing will deter that ant from accomplishing his mission. If you put a rock in his path, he will either go under, around or over the rock in order to get to his destination. They don’t cry, wine or throw a fit about the obstacle. They don’t change their goal; they just change the strategy to get there which is the mindset I’ve started to apply to some of my goals and I’m already seeing the change!

Maybe this is your current situation. Perhaps you’ve been trying and trying to achieve that goal but your current strategy isn’t working. You may be tempted to change or even give up on the goal. Well, this is your wake up call to change your strategy not your goal.

Perhaps you’ve been trying to grow your Instagram followers on your business page and nothing you’ve been trying is working. Have you tried investing into a social media for business class? Maybe you’ve been trying to get that promotion at work but you keep working harder and you’re not getting anything in return? Have you tried to set-up a meeting with your supervisor for a performance review to see how you can set yourself up to be next in line for that promotion? Maybe you keep having trouble saving your money and you’ve tried budgeting but it doesn’t work. Have you tried reading books on financial management or maybe turning off your credit cards?

What goal have you been trying to achieve but you keep hitting the same dead end? Instead of being frustrated about it, I want you to do this:

• Write down the goal at the top of large piece of paper or in your journal as you should always keep a goals journal.
• Under your goal, I want you to brainstorm all the possible resources and strategies that you have access to help you achieve that goal.
• Then, determine at least 2 of those strategies that you will implement.
• Write down the new action steps that you need to take toward that goal.

When you’re doing this, get quiet and follow that still quiet voice in your heart. Ask yourself what’s the intention of you achieving your goal. If you’re trying to get that promotion because you want to compete with your uber successful sister or you want to make millions in your business to validate your self-worth then your motives are in the wrong place and you’ll keep hitting dead ends.

Make sure that you’re clear on your intentions and follow what you believe you’re supposed to do. What worked for someone else may not work for you so make sure you’re operating in the flow of your inner spirit instead of following what worked for someone else.

Be like that ant and find the strategy that’s going to work for you!

XOXO,

Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy

The Greatest Enemy of Success

by desing | Faith & Purpose

This weekend I had such an epiphany and I couldn’t wait to share it with you. I decided to go through my Instagram account to clean up shop and unfollow any inactive accounts. I do this every now and again to make sure that I’m not overwhelming the account and that I’m not following anything inappropriate.

Side note: I’m super careful of what I post on social media because you NEVER know what will come back to bite you in the butt and I will feel real silly if I lost an opportunity about something so trivial so always think before you post.

Well as I’m hitting the “unfollow” button, I noticed some of those accounts hadn’t posted in months, some hadn’t posted in over a year. I felt crushed because some were incredible organizations, businesses, movements, and blogs that seemed to have fallen by the wayside.

I’ve been at this “entrepreneurial/walking in my purpose” journey for years now. When I started, there were so many people that started with me as they built their own businesses and birth those dreams. However, as I’ve walked deeper into my journey, I noticed that many of those people dropped out of the race.

I started to ask myself this question, why have so many people decided to quit or put their dreams on standby?

It’s simple – comfort.

When you decide to pursue your purpose full-time and it doesn’t go the way you anticipated, it’s natural to go back into working full-time for someone else and part-time on your dreams. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with that. But I’ve noticed that it takes one extraordinary, determined, driven, persistent human being to not allow the comfort of a guaranteed income stream, benefits, and vacations to distract you from realizing your dreams 100%.

There’s this notion that “right now is not that time” or “I’ll get back to that business next year.” I’m here to tell you that it will never, ever be the perfect timing.

That’s why comfort can be the greatest enemy of success.

Have you ever noticed that some of the most dynamic success stories come from people who were forced into uncomfortable circumstances? Once their back was put up against a wall, they had no choice but to be creative, tap into their potential and make a way out of what seems to be no way. Daymond John (the award winning entrepreneur, branding expert and the “people’s Shark” on Shark Tank), calls this the power of broke.

When you’re broke, uncomfortable and outright tired of mediocrity in your life then you’re forced into becoming the force of nature that you were always created to be. When you’re fed up with allowing fear to paralyze you, just getting by, having another person start the same business idea you had, not having enough money to buy the groceries you want, or not being able to afford the meal you want at dinner with your friends that when you’ve reached your breaking point.

It’s up to you to decide to choose comfort or courage, but you cannot have both.

So where have you allowed comfort to deter you from going all the way in to achieve your goals? I know how that feels because I was so comfortable with making a set income when I was working in the music business that it stopped me from even looking for a new job, let alone start a business because I was comfortable – even though my soul was dying.

Did you have a catering business that you allowed to fall by the wayside? Have you stopped working on your blog because you’re working too much? Did you stop pursuing that acting career because you got a nice, cozy corporate job but your heart is screaming for you to get back in the game?

True success isn’t for the faint of heart my dear! I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the greatest inventions, books, businesses, movies and albums are birthed from people who have been from their job. Walt Disney was fired from his job because he wasn’t creative enough, Mark Cuban was fired from his job at a computer store because he failed to open the store one day and Oprah was told she wasn’t a good fit for television news and was demoted!

Sometimes we’re pushed into those uncomfortable situations because God knows that’s the only way He’ll get you to see what was already inside of you.

You have an unstoppable champion and a remarkable legacy that is waiting to be birthed inside of you! Don’t allow anyone else to dictate your destiny for you so don’t wait until you’re pushed into uncomfortable circumstances to pursue your dreams full force.

Decide right now that you’ll get back into the game!
XOXO,

Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy
@iammariamelendez