by desing | Faith & Purpose
I have an important question to ask you. How committed are you to fulfilling your dreams? Most people say they’re committed but one thing I noticed is that when the going gets tough most people gracefully bow out. I need you to understand that going after your dreams is not going to be comfortable all the time. That discomfort may include one or more of the following:
- Enduring a season of financial hardship
- Losing “friends” who don’t understand your vision
- Being misunderstood and/or criticized by loved ones who don’t understand your vision
- Dealing with rejections and multiples “no’s”
- Failures (please notes that I used that plural term because chances are there will be several failures)
- Delay: things are not happening as fast as you’d thought
Are you willing to commit to your dreams if you had to deal with any of these? I hope so but I understand how scary that can be as I’ve dealt with them all. Today, we highlight the benefits of success but fail to mention the process. In order to be committed to the benefits of success, you must be committed to the process. Your process is yours which may not look like everyone else’s around you but you’ve got to get to a point where you become secure and confident about your individual journey.
There may be seasons where you’ll have to walk your journey out alone and that’s fine too. Too many of us women want the comfort and security of having a team of people who approve of us on our journey with us side-by-side but you cannot allow your security to be in the opinions of others. The only approval that matters is the one that you have for yourself and if you’re not willing to stand alone for your dream or better yet, be willing to look a little crazy, endure criticism and judgment then you’re not ready yet. Someone is always going to have something to say and the higher you go, the more opinions will arise but you have to be so committed to your vision that come hell or high water, you’re going birth that dream inside of you.
What you focus on, you empower to grow. Therefore, the more you focus on what other people are saying about you the more you’re giving their opinion more power of your life. I heard a statistic the other day that said 25% of the people you meet will not like you, another 25% of people will like you but can be convinced not to like you, another 25% of people will not like you but can be convinced to like you, and 25% of people will like you no matter what.
Don’t be caught up in trying to get everyone around you to approve of you or the decisions you make to manifest your dreams. The vision was given to you; you can’t expect people who God didn’t give the vision to, to understand your vision. That’s the power of being a visionary instead of being ordinary. You see things past where they are today while focusing on the possibilities (not the limitations) to make the vision a reality.
Sometimes the vision may not be for a business or a career, it can be something like restoring a relationship with a loved one, having a baby, having a happy & healthy marriage, becoming wealthy or owning your own home. All the naysayers and ordinary people will point out all the limitations and give you their opinions on why it’s not possible. But it’s not their faith, perseverance and tenacity that will be rewarded, it’s yours.
Yes birthing a vision is difficult and perhaps one of the most challenging experiences that you’ll ever endure. But I’m encouraging you to see past where you are today, past your previous failures and past other people’s opinions. Those are distractions that are trying to steal your destiny from you.
Today is your day to make one of the most important decisions of your life. Will you allow these distractions to steal what’s yours or will you choose to be the visionary who presses on towards her destiny?
XOXO,
Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy
by desing | Faith & Purpose
Each one of us has a story tell and some of our stories are more heartbreaking than others. Many of us have to endure hardships, abuse, neglect, broken hearts and disappointments. The disappointments of life can have its way of stealing hope for your future.
But that stops today.
Sometimes we can become so enamored with our stories so that others can feel sorry for us or we can continue to feel sorry for ourselves. Better yet we can use those trials we’ve experienced as an excuse for our behavior or lack of desire to change our lives. The only thing that you’re doing when you’re holding onto everything bad that’s happen to you is prolonging everything good that life has to offer you.
I’m not diminishing anything that you’ve experienced but I am telling you to let it go, heal wherever you need to heal and make room for the next, new thing that has been set before you. If you keep looking at what’s behind you, you’re focusing your energy towards your past instead of investing your energy towards your future.
You cannot change what was, but you can control what will be. It’s time to embrace maturity. Maturity has absolutely nothing to do with age but with acceptance of responsibility. Maybe you’ve made some bad decisions that provoked some of the circumstances that you’re in today. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, forgive yourself, figure out where you went wrong and apply that wisdom to your present and future circumstances.
Your life is a sum total of the choices that you make so if you want a better life then you must make better decisions. Many of us are still little girls trapped in women bodies failing to take the necessary measures to grow into the women that we’ve been created to be. Some of the bad things that happened to you may not have been your fault at all but you’re still mad at the person who hurt you which has turned into resentment. When you’re living with resentment in your heart, it is very difficult to not only receive love but also to give it.
Maybe your business failed or you failed out of school and you keep thinking about what went wrong. Instead of driving yourself crazy, let it go and move on towards your destiny. I heard Oprah Winfrey say something spectacular that resonated with me, “Everything that happens in your life is not happening to you but for you.”
Stop being the victim or playing the blame game because you weren’t created to wallow in what was or what could have been. You are a victorious woman who can confidently work towards what is going to be. Make the conscious decision to believe that your story is still being written and God’s not done with you yet!
Focusing on your future is going to require you to believe that the best is yet to come which means you must have faith. Real faith will require you to look like a fool because you’ll have to believe for something that surpasses what you’ve seen before. Don’t let all the negative that’s happen to you steal the promises of your future!
If someone broke your heart, forgive that person and make room for the right person to come along. If one of your parent’s didn’t raise you, forgive and let go of any resentment you may have towards them. If you ruined your credit by being financially irresponsible, forgive yourself, take responsibility and do what you have to in order to restore your finances.
Let go of what was and focus on what could be.
XOXO,
Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy
by desing | Faith & Purpose
If I asked you, “Why do you get up and go to work every day?” Your answer may vary but the most consistent answer may be to provide for yourself and your family which makes sense. I believe everyone wants to go to a job that they love but unfortunately it doesn’t always work out that way. Sometimes your passion and your “9 to 5” have nothing in common. But the fear of failure or financial instability can oftentimes hold you captive to that “9 to 5” which is a feeling I know far too well.
But instead of harping on the fact that your job sucks and you’d really like to be working full-time on your passion, have you ever thought about taking advantage of the hours of the day that you’re not at work to work for you? You may have a “9 to 5” but what does your “5 to 9” life look like?
What I mean by this is – what are you doing after work to benefit your overall success and realize the dreams inside of your heart? How are you taking advantage of the time that you’re not working for someone else?
One of the common questions I get asked is how was I able to transition from employee to entrepreneur. Firstly, I was fully convinced that that’s what I was supposed to do. Second, I was working on Embrace Her Legacy for over a year prior to when I decided to resign from my position. The hours in the music business are far from “9 to 5” so I would take advantage of less busy hours during work and evening hours for conference calls, meetings, develop website content, coordinate events, research business practices and much more. At that time, I didn’t think I would transition full-time into entrepreneur immediately but I was simply going after my purpose with a full-time attitude. I knew that working at a record label wouldn’t be a part of my story much longer.
When I started focusing on my “5 to 9” life, I soon began developing the confidence and ambition to pursue my purpose full-time. Instead of being miserable at my job, I knew that slowly but surely I was reaching towards my destiny.
If you’re not in a position to pursue your passion full-time during this time in your life, then think about what can you start doing part-time? Perhaps you have a goal of becoming a corporate attorney; well maybe you can go back to school and take classes towards your law degree after work hours. Maybe your dream is to become a celebrity make-artist with your own make-up line. Have you ever thought about booking clients for weekend events or taking the time everyday to watch YouTube tutorial videos to enhance your skill set?
Your “5 to 9” life can include a variety of actions steps that you’re taking to accomplish your goals which can include anything from researching and reading on ways to further your knowledge on the latest fashion trends or practicing your skills to make you a better singer/songwriter or meeting with potential clients for your catering business.
Whatever it is, you must make a commitment to yourself because chances are that you’re going to get tired and you’ll want to quit especially if you don’t see immediate results at the beginning. If you allow the disappointment to frustrate you, you’ll be tempted to stay in the comfort of your “9 to 5” even if it’s not fulfilling you. So keep your eyes on the prize!
During this time, you must practice the pain of discipline. Remember that pain of discipline weighs ounces but the pain of regret weighs tons. Some seasons are going to require you to stretch into a new capacity. The beauty about these seasons is that although you may be uncomfortable, you are definitely growing because being uncomfortable is always a sign of growth.
Start thinking of creative ways to use the time that you do have to work part-time on your dream until it’s your full-time reality!
XOXO,
Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy
by desing | Faith & Purpose
A few weeks ago one of my good friends, Dana Blair (who you may know as the host for ESSENCE Live), asked me to me to one of the featured women in her groundbreaking movement, I Have Never Been That Girl.
My feature, which you can watch here, was released earlier this month. I’ve received nothing but overwhelming support for sharing my story. Along with deciding to leave my “dream job” to pursue my purpose, one of the things I discuss in my interview for the very first time is surviving a suicide attempt as a teenager. I wrote about it in my book but this was the first time I ever discussed it openly on such a grand platform. I mentioned the catalyst of my triumph over that time in my life happening when a friend came to visit me in the hospital during my recovery. He told me something that lives in my heart forever, “God has you here for a reason and your life has a purpose.”
Up until that point in my life, no one had ever told me something like that. At that time I really didn’t have the capacity to understand it but although my relationship with God was pretty much non-existent, something inside of me knew that what he was saying was true. After that moment, I realized that I had some sort of purpose and I would do everything in my power to fulfill my assignment in spite of whatever odds I may face.
Too often we look at one another as women and judge each other while thinking that that woman is better than you or has no idea of what you’re going through. We scroll through that news feed and see each other getting engaged, getting married, releasing books, starting businesses, accomplishing goals and we compare our behind-the-scenes to their highlight reels. As a result, we can feel alone, confused and frustrated. I know these feelings all too well.
Those feelings are often coupled with feelings of inadequacy. Lying thoughts tell you that you’re doing something wrong, that you’re not working hard enough and then another set of nagging thoughts discourage you into thinking that your time will never come.
I’m here to tell you the very same thing my friend told me. Your life matters and you have a purpose that has long been predestined for you. All the pains that you experience are not happening to you but for you. You’re being shaped and molded into the woman you need to be to thrive at what you’ve been created to do.
Not every season in your life is going to be your season and you must learn to be fine with that. But the wonderful thing about seasons is that they always change. After winter always comes spring. You’re not doing anything wrong and you’re not alone. You’re right on track and right where you’re supposed to be.
We are all going through something even though some of us conceal it better than others. Never underestimate how your words of encouragement are going to brighten someone else’s day. You would never know some of the hardships I’ve endured over the last year but my faith has been the rock that has kept me smiling during the most critical time of my life.
As women, we share a sisterhood that cannot be broken unless we allow it to be. Let’s stop being so judgmental of one another because you never know what that sister is going through. I’ve learned that when you’re highly critical of others it’s because you’re highly critical of yourself. So give yourself a break.
Stop running around like a chicken with your head cut off trying to make your dream marriage, dream job, dream home, or dream business happen all in your own strength and timing. You’re not going to miss it, you’re not doing anything wrong; it just may not be your season yet. And if the sister next to you is in her season, instead of getting worried or jealous celebrate her with full understanding that you’re right where you’re supposed to be!
XOXO,
Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy
by desing | Faith & Purpose
Happy International Women’s Day to you! This is our day to celebrate what makes us each beautiful, bright, strong, powerful and unstoppable! Being a woman isn’t always easy in a world where our voices can go unheard and we can often get overlooked for opportunities in education and in the workplace. Nevertheless, we’re still thriving, advocating, and kicking butt along the way so this is my personal salute to you lady!
As women, we are naturally nurturers who want to give and often give the very last of ourselves in our careers, education, family, relationships, organizations, or churches. Whatever it is, you name it and we’ll give our 100%. However, is there a place in your life that you’re giving and giving and what you’re getting back isn’t worth what you’re putting in?
Maybe you’ve been giving all of your mind, time, energy and groundbreaking ideas to your job and for the past year you’ve been overlooked for promotions several times and still aren’t making the desired salary even after you’ve asked for a raise twice. Maybe there’s a relationship that you’ve been in for years, one that you’ve given your all to and he’s still isn’t committing to you the way you’re committed to him. Perhaps there’s a friend that you’re always there for but when the tables are turned and you need her, she’s never to be found.
These are all signals that it may be time to stop feeding what isn’t feeding you anymore and create change in your life. Many of us are petrified of change because it requires you to be uncomfortable and go into the land of the unknown but just because something is comfortable for you doesn’t mean that it’s the best option for you. That job may be comfortable but are you growing? Are you using your skills, talents and abilities to the best of its capacity? Is that guy you’re dealing with feeding your spirit, respecting you and making you a better woman while giving his all to you by making you a priority, not an option? Are you so scared to get a new circle of friends that will help you grow into your purpose that you’re willing to stay around a group of females who you’ve outgrown?
I hope not!
Change can be scary, I know. But change is not an event but a process that is followed after a decision. Once you make the decision to stop feeding what isn’t feeding you then you will begin the process of change. There’s a season for everything and your next season of prosperity and blessings can be right after your decision to make a change. Make room for the new that you want to come into your life by deciding to eliminate what’s not working anymore. It may have been good for a season, but that season might be over.
On the flip side, you should always feed what’s feeding you. I actually heard this from Bishop TD Jakes the other day. Your colleague at work may be buying you lunch daily and instead of always taking and taking, try giving something back in return. You may watch motivational videos every day from your favorite speaker or receive weekly messages that have empowered you to grow in purpose and character – well, how about this week you feed them by buying one of their products or donating to their ministry. I watch Bishop TD Jakes almost every day as he’s one of my favorite pastors to learn from but then I realized I’ve never bought any of his books, given to his ministry or even shared one of his videos on social media. Realizing that I wasn’t feeding what was feeding me, I immediately decided to give a donation to his ministry because one thing I do understand is the power of sowing and reaping.
It’s time for us to learn how to give just as much as we take. You will always reap what you sow; and some of us are sowing into the wrong places and wonder why we’re reaping the hot mess we get in return.
Take some time to think if there’s any place in your life that you’re feeding that isn’t feeding you anymore or a place that you’ve been taking from and not giving in return. Decide what changes need to be made and stick with your decision!
XOXO,
Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy
