Who Has the Right to Label You?

by desing | Faith & Purpose, Tools

From the time we enter school for pretty much the rest of our lives we are given labels by our family, friends, society and popular culture. Whether the intention of the label is innocent or not you may not know but I do know that labels can have a positive or negative effect on our behavior, future or self-esteem if we allow them to.

I was listening to this message on “labels” earlier this week and it immediately caught my attention. I tuned in totally intrigued on how labels can and will affect us, especially if decide to allow those labels to define us.

Many of us have unknowingly fallen victim to the negative effect of labels.  

When we get into school, we may be labeled as pretty, popular, smart, funny or ugly, fat, dumb and incapable of success. In our families, we may be labeled as “the disruptive middle child”, “the weird one”, “the go-getter” or “the lazy one.” Society may label us as a black woman, white woman, Latina woman, single mother, fatherless child, college graduate, student, career woman or a single woman.

Every label comes with its own definition, weight, expectation and connotation. If a child has been told that she is stupid and will never make it to college then she may begin to act as if she will never be successful. If you have been told that you are ugly and no one will ever love you then you will begin to behave in a manner which exudes that.

Seeing ourselves through the lens of negative labels can potentially upset our self-image.

If you have been labeled, whether it is from childhood, adolescence or adulthood understand that no one has the right to label you. You put a label on something if you own it or you’ve purchased it, like when you put your label on a dress you’ve designed or you put your child’s name on the inside of her backpack. You bought it; therefore, it is your right to put your name on it.

Which makes me think that if the only being that has the right to put a label on something is the one who owned, purchased it or designed it then who has the right to put a label on us?

The one who owns and designed us of course!

I believe I was created and designed by God and that means that if God designed me and purchased me (with His blood through Jesus Christ), then He is the ONLY being who has the right to label me. To take this point even further, God does not label me as anything less than His child, an heir in His Kingdom, more than a conqueror, powerful, beautifully and wonderfully made, redeemed, loved unconditionally, called and chosen according to His purpose.

We cannot allow others to label us because they have absolutely no right to. I don’t care what your teacher, mother, father, sister, brother, neighbor, cousin, friend, or person on the street has labeled you as – you are not defined by their labels of you. If you have allowed a negative label to influence your confidence, your self-image or your potential then I am encouraging you to give those labels right back to them.

If God Almighty sees you as beautiful, more than enough, a conqueror, strong and courageous then why can’t you?

As a man thinks in his heart, then so is he. (Proverbs 23:7)

If you believe that you are those negative labels then you will begin to attract those negative things. There is a reason why successful people attract other successful people. It’s because like attracts like which is the law of attraction working in their favor.

Change the way that you think about yourself, take off the labels that have been put on you and transform your mind to accept no one else’s but God’s label of you!

Only God has the right to label you – receive that.

XOXO,

Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy
www.embraceherlegacy.com

Is What You’re Giving Worth What You’re Getting

by desing | Faith & Purpose, Tools

In this world where it seems as if our worth is defined by how busy we are, we can sometimes feel the pressure to “keep going” and “continue pushing” without stopping – especially nowadays where we have immediate access to digital devices that bring the world to our fingerprints. We can send emails from bed, reply to texts during our morning commute to work, and scroll through the endless updates and photos on social media.

I don’t know about you but sometimes it seems like stopping for a moment is the adversary to achieving our dreams. I hear many people talk about hustling harder and working harder but is it crazy to stop every now and then to evaluate our lives?

So you know I’m going to ask you – when was the last time that you stopped and evaluated where you currently are in your life?

Of course you can keep going and going and giving more and more effort to your desires, but what I want you to do is ask yourself is  this , “Is what I am giving worth what I am getting back in return?”  You do not need me to tell you that we are natural givers as women; we give so much of ourselves to others and tend to put ourselves at the very bottom of the list.

Sometimes in life, we have to pause for a moment and take a real good look at our lives current state. If all is fine then continue your show, but if there are things that you see that you do not like, then make it your business to change it.

I believe in pursuing quiet time with God just to listen to Him and my spirit. If I’m not in tune with myself, my soul and my spirit then everything else in my life will probably be a hot mess. Today, I took time to sit alone in a coffee shop and reevaluate not only where I am but also where I want to go. We can get so caught up in the day-to-day of our lives that we lose ourselves in the process.

Take a moment to examine your daily life and see what you give most of your time and effort towards. Is what you are giving worth what it is that you are getting in return? Is the job you are currently at worth all the stress? Is the relationship you are currently in, worth all the tears you’ve cried? Is the constant online shopping worth the debt? Where are you getting the most return on your investments? Or are you even getting any returns at all? Sometimes what we are giving has more value than what we are getting back.

You may be giving our time (which is the most precious gift that we have), our money, our attention, our energy, our talents, our gifts or our influence and we should take the time to assess what we are receiving in return. If your job (or the money) is not worth the constant frustration that you are experiencing then it may be time to pursue a new job. If spending too much time looking at social media every day is making you feel insecure about your life, then it’s time to get off Facebook and make the necessary changes. If volunteering your home to host the weekly church meetings is becoming too hectic for your schedule, then stop volunteering your home.

I know it may not always be that simple, but I’m learning that it most cases it is. Change is not an event but a process that starts with a decision. A decision is followed by a journey and that decision is yours to make.

Please take the time to evaluate where you are, what you are giving and what you are getting in return, you’re worth it!

XOXO,

Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy
www.embraceherlegacy.com

Own Your Ish!

by desing | Faith & Purpose, Tools

We all have heard of the late Maya Angelou’s powerful quote, “When you know better, you do better.” But that “knowing better” part of the quote can be a tough upward battle to achieve but we have to learn to face the challenge no matter how ugly it may get. I’ve learned that in order to truly know better in order to do better, you have to want to know better and you have to want to do better.

Once you want it bad enough, you will do whatever it is that you have to do in order to avoid a repeat cycle of pain, hurt, anger, guilt or frustration. When we make a mistake in our lives or experience a challenging time then it is human nature to place blame on others. When someone is going through a divorce, then it’s really easy (and once again natural human nature) to blame your spouse for your mean, hurtful and vindictive behavior. It’s easy to blame the absence of your father for your issues with bad relationships. It’s easy to blame your sister for your dysfunctional relationship with her and it’s easy to blame your business partner for the failure of your business.

This is what I like to call ordinary, basic human behavior because it has been happening since the very beginning of time. We all know the story of Adam and Eve and when Adam ate the fruit, he didn’t say “I take full responsibility for my part in the mess” – no, he blamed it “on the woman that God gave him.” See, since the beginning of time, we have had a problem with owning our part of our mess. It is so easy to see the wrongdoing of others but another thing to actually take the time to think of how we played a role.

Of course I am not saying that EVERYTHING is your fault and yes others are surely involved and they have fault too but in order to really know better and do better in life and learn from our negative history to achieve a successful future it is crucial to fully own your part of the mess. I noticed that if we do own our part, it tends to be a small piece of the pie. That is not what I am talking about, I am talking about really taking the time to sit with yourself and write down what role you played.

Perhaps your role in your business partner making bad deals was that you were not responsible enough to double check your accounting numbers or you failed to listen to your gut about going into business with this person in the first place. Or perhaps your role in your dysfunctional relationship with your sister was that you judged her and rejected her so in turn she was mean to you out of her pain. Perhaps you did not listen to the wisdom of your friends and family when they warned you about getting married after only six months, but you were so fixed on proving them wrong that you did it anyway and unfortunately you are experiencing a painful divorce. Maybe you tried to mask your insecurity by spending more than you had so that you can appear to everyone else that you were doing well and now you are in debt.

It is so easy to be enamored with our part of the story and run to tell anyone who will listen, that we fail to stop and analyze our part of the mess.

I want us as women to own our ish! True success is not about all that you attain and achieve, it’s about the person who you become in the process. Who cares if you have all the success of the world but you fail to have a good character. Character is those moral attributes that control your actions and reactions. Therefore, you are no better than the person who has hurt you if you choose to act hurtful back – take ownership for your part.

We become servants to the choices that we make. We can choose true freedom, forgiveness, responsibility or we can choose anger, the blame game and bitterness.

So how can you begin to own your ish? Start by drawing a circle and inside of that circle, I want you to draw your “slices” of the mess. Under that circle, write down what those slices represent in full sentences. Take the time to do this exercise with an honest and pure heart. If you discover something that you did not see before then seek guidance on how you can learn from it and deal with it in a healthy way.

I know that it’s natural to blame others but if we truly want to become women who are bold, successful and embracing our legacy then we have to learn to be true with ourselves and work on first becoming the person we want to be so we can then honor what we have been called to do.

You attract who you become and it’s time to do better.

XOXO,

Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy
www.embraceherlegacy.com

Life at 30, What I Know For Sure…

by desing | Faith & Purpose, Tools

Well, well, well, it is that time of the year again. We each have that one day of the year where we celebrate the day in which we were born into this world and this week is my turn. Yes, I celebrate my birthday and every year that we live to see is indeed a celebration.

However, there are certain birthdays that are considered monumental and certainly deserve some celebration. Your 1^st birthday is the celebration of your first year on this earth, your 16^th birthday you get your license and an amazing sweet 16, your 18^th birthday you are now an “adult” and “grown”, your 21^st birthday you can legally drink and you’re excited to go out to the club with your new over 21 Identification Card, your 25^th birthday you’re a quarter centurion and then you have the 30^th birthday.

Which do you think I am turning this week?

You guessed it, the lovely 30.

What can I say about the 30^th birthday? For some reason, I feel that society tells me that I should have it all together by now. I should be the millionaire that I set out to be, I should be married with 1.5 children and a have house in the suburbs with a white picket fence and a dog to match. I should have some safe and stable job that pays benefits while planning my annual 2-week vacation.

I can say that NONE of that is my reality just yet and I am perfectly fine with that. See a few years ago, for my 27^th birthday, I decided to take the biggest leap of faith in my life. I boldly chose to resign from my “good, safe, high profile job” in the music business to pursue what I knew God was calling me to do. To empower you, yes you. Women and girls all over this world to give birth to your dreams, to conquer fears, doubt and low-self worth, to live a life with no limits, lead purpose-driven lives and to essentially live according to the legacy you desire to leave.

Hands down the best decision I have ever made for myself was quitting my job to pursue purpose and courage instead of comfort and practicality. I am beyond proud of myself, my accomplishments and how far I have come. This journey is not for the faint of heart and not to toot my own horn, but by the grace of God, I have achieved some pretty spectacular achievements and I’m JUST getting started!

But, like many of us do, I put a lot of pressure on myself. There is this pressure for us women to have it all together all of the time, but what human being does? Isn’t vulnerability, facing challenges, failing and learning a part of every human beings existence? So why do we continue to put so much pressure on ourselves?

We live in a world where we allow others to measure our success. The world tells us that success is money, power and fame. If you ask me, success is the accomplishment of worthy goals. The key to dealing with the pressures of society is to define and measure your own success.

Honestly, I have failed several times in the last three years, but I have received such priceless rewards in return. Every time I get a check written out to Embrace Her Legacy or a contract that I am signing or an email from a young girl who I have inspired or a message from a woman who is manifesting her dream, it only justifies that every challenge I have faced on this journey of success was more than worth it.

Oftentimes we may believe that we are not qualified to birth our dreams. But here is something that I have learned in the last few years, God does not call the qualified. He regularly calls the unqualified so that He will get the glory and you have to believe that. If you continue to look at your surroundings and telling yourself every reason as to why you cannot fulfill the desires of your heart then you are going to be letting year after year pass by feeling unfulfilled and unsatisfied.

I know that feeling all too well. I was MISERABLE in my job for YEARS before I decided to get my butt up and do something about my frustration with my life. Nevertheless, it took years for me to finally get the guts to do so. I went on vacations, I bought more shoes and bags, and I indulged in nights of fabulous 5-star dinners and countless bottles of wine – all to fill that void.

In all transparency, nothing was ever enough to fill the void, no matter how much I shopped, how much I drank or how much I wished things were different. Eventually I had to make the choice to change even though I was really scared and I knew others would not understand. I had to put me and my dreams first, I had to put God first and stand on His promises for me.

I started this message telling myself that I would share the top 10 things that I’ve learned in my 20’s but I guess God wants me to share these specific words for someone reading this.

I may not know you or where you are or the challenges that you have faced, but I do know a God who is able to do exceedingly and abundantly more than you can ask or think. I know that living in your purpose and achieving your dreams is not about you, it is about all the lives that you will impact, serve and inspire while you are doing so. Someone needs you, yes you, to manifest that dream that is inside of your heart. They need you to start that business, to write that book, to design those clothes, to open that school, to start that non-profit organization, to finish that degree, to take that leadership position in your church, to create that talk show – I do not know what it is, but someone needs you because you are going to be using your unique gifts, abilities and talents to serve their needs. You NEVER know how you will impact the life of someone else.

Will it be easy? Absolutely not. Will it be worth it? I stand here as living proof that it will surely be worth it! Just get started.

XOXO,

Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy
www.embraceherlegacy.com