A Network That Works FOR You

by desing | Faith & Purpose, Tools

I’ve come to believe that there are two different types of people in this world. There is the person who makes something happen and the other who watches others make things happen. I’m constantly checking to see what the difference between these people is and there are several differences that I have noticed. A group of people can be “dealt the same cards of life” but then only a few manage to rise up and lead their lives to the optimal place that they want, refusing to settle along the way. Along with being driven, focused, disciplined and hard-working, I have also noticed this key factor – they are NOT scared to go outside of their comfort zone, meet new people and build meaningful relationships.

This is such a great character trait to have. However, I see many of us ladies who can be scared, timid or who fear rejection when it comes to building relationships with new people to create a star-studded network. I’ve noticed that most of life’s greatest opportunities will come your way from the people that you know. The power in relationships is beyond anything that you can imagine. It’s the reason people can keep a job they should have lost or get a job that they are under-qualified for. I have seen it happen dozens of times and I’m sure that you have too.

I’m a relational person so one of my core strengths is building relationships with other people which I know may not come easy to those of you who are a little more introverted. I believe I have a FANTASTIC group of people in my network who are not only incredible at what they do and who are remarkable people, but who also support me. When I think about how blessed I am to know them, I am humbled with gratitude. I think that one of the major reasons that hinders some of us women from creating a powerful network is the fear of rejection so we sit comfortably in our circle of friends which we’ve known for years. There is nothing wrong with that but you should have a diverse group of people that you can talk to about relationships, career, business, finances, faith etc. This is about finding people who are in your “rhythm” and who can be an asset to your network in accordance to the vision you want to birth. If you are make-up artist with the intention of being a celebrity make-up artist then you should know other MUA’s, stylists, and media personnel. If you are an entrepreneur of a tech company, then you should know others “techies” and people in your industry.

So I am here to help you with a few special tips of how to build a star-studded network:

1. Start where you are. There is always someone who you have access to who can help you get to where you want to go. Think of anyone you may know of that you want to further build with or perhaps someone you may know can introduce you to someone.
2. Introductions are LIFE-SAVERS! People will pay attention to you more when someone they know and trust introduces you to them. Do not be afraid to ask for an introduction if someone you know has access to someone you want to meet.
3. When meeting someone for the first time, extend your hand for a firm handshake, smile, look them in the eye and introduce yourself. This demonstrates confidence.
4. Always have your business cards ready. I carry my cards with me EVERYWHERE I go; you never know when you may meet someone. Don’t be afraid to ask someone for their card either.
5. FOLLOW UP! One of my pet peeves is when people say “O yeah, I’ll reach out to you,” only to never hear from them. If you say you are going to reach out to someone, then do it. Honor your word because whether or not you do is going to affect your reputation. Trust me when I say that word of mouth is powerful and people will warn others about you if you are someone who lacks consistency.
6. How do you follow up after you get the business card? Glad you asked! It’s simple as sending them a simple email within a week of meeting them. You don’t want to do it the next day because you do not want to seem too aggressive. Wait a few days and send a simple email stating that it was nice to meet them, give them a recap of whatever words you shared when meeting and that you look forward to keeping in touch.
7. Take it a step further. If you met this person and you have discussed connecting soon over lunch or coffee then hold people to their word. I do this because I want to show people how I want to be treated. As aforementioned, I’m not a fan of people not honoring their word so I hold people accountable to what they said. So I will simply state in the email something along the lines of setting up time to catch lunch or coffee soon.
8. When you do finally get time with that person over the lunch or the coffee then make sure that you pick up the bill and do your homework on what the other person has accomplished. You want to have some sort of talking points in your head.  Ask questions. This demonstrates that you care enough to do some research on the person before inviting them out.
9. Please change the generic message on LinkedIn to something a little more specific when requesting people in your network. “Nice to meet you at…” or “We went to the same school and I wanted to reconnect.” You want to be specific so people can recognize you.
10. Get to know people! At the end of the day, you want to connect with people. Get to know who they are, where they grew up, if they have any children etc. You may find commonalities that you share which can be an aspect that you can discuss more and build upon. People want to know that they matter and it’s our job to do so. Be authentic with people and be someone who can serve them.

I can literally go on and on here but I will stick with these (10) points for now. The most important factor is to get over the fear of rejection when meeting new people. Another person’s opinion of you shouldn’t change your opinion of you. Be yourself. Be a woman of integrity who is committed to excellence and others will take notice.

As always, it’s my honor to serve!

XOXO,

Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy

Be Still and Wait!

by desing | Faith & Purpose, Tools

We all have those moments in our lives where we are looking for answers to some pretty tough questions. Should I leave my job and pursue my dream? Should I take this offer for a new job and relocate? Is this the person that I should say “I do” to? Should I buy this house or wait for something better?

Some questions in life are way easier than others; however, we all have those seasons in our lives where the answer we choose to the question being posed can have a life-long consequence – good or bad. I find myself in that season as we speak and I am learning how to get those answers in order to lead an optimal life.

What I have noticed is that I do not need to seek much guidance outside of myself to get the answer that I need. Sometimes we make the mistake of looking for guidance in places where we will get the answers we want instead of the answer that we need. A few years ago I was in one of the toughest seasons in my life where I had to make the choice of remaining miserable at my job in the music industry or to choose a leap of faith and pursue my purpose. I tossed back and forth but eventually I got my answer loud and clear one night in prayer which you can read more about in my e-book, Love Your Legacy: How to UnMask Your Truth to Discover Your Purpose and Birth Your Vision. Needless to say, I took that leap of faith and I’m so glad that I did!

So what do we do in order to get those answers? Here is the first thing that I do. I wait to get the answer I need from my inner being which I believe is God speaking to me. When we quiet our thoughts and enter a place of stillness and peace knowing that we are not alone and loved by Almighty God, then you can begin to unveil your answers. I would rather wait to get the right answer instead of rushing to make a foolish decision out of fear. Which brings me to my next point.

When I’m stuck and I need to make a decision quickly and confidently, I always go with the answer that is not rooted in fear. I am learning that when we operate out of fear, it can leave us restless and insecure. I know that fear and God do not go hand in hand; love and God do, so I always choose love and not fear.

Another key to getting good answers is to talk to people BUT be careful of who you choose to talk to. I know the strengths and weaknesses of people in my life and there are certain people who I will not talk about business decisions with because they simply will not understand. My faith is my rock and I know that not many people will understand that in some instances so if I am having a faith battle, I call on my sisters who can relate to me on that level. Disappointment comes when what actually happened does not meet our expectations so I have learned to manage my expectations from others and talk to those who I know can understand the dilemma I may be facing.

Although talking to people is a good option, I am sure that you can find the answers that you need to your tough questions on the inside of you. I believe in prayer and I believe that if you ask God for guidance, He will always answer you. It may not be the answer you wanted, but it’s always the answer you need.

One of our biggest failures in our society is that we are highly impatient with each other, ourselves and life. We rush to the next thing without taking the time to be still and wait for the answer. Once you get the answer, trust yourself enough to make the decision. You have something powerful on the inside of you and it’s called “instinct.” You have the power to make the best decisions for your life. Others may not understand but it’s not their place to. Trust that quiet inner voice inside of you and you cannot go wrong.

The last thing I want to leave you with is this. Just because things do not go the way you anticipated does not mean that you made the wrong decision. Trust your journey; your may be focusing on one speck of your life and that one speck can actually be the beautiful mark on the entire picture of your life. Change your focus 🙂

Be still, be patient and wait for your next move.

XOXO,

Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy

You Feel A Way?

by desing | Faith & Purpose, Tools

In order to remain relevant to my audience (particularly the teenage girls), I try to keep abreast of the colloquial terms of pop culture. There has been one phrase in which I am guilty of using and I have heard many of my friends use it as well. Although in my opinion it doesn’t really articulate much, nevertheless, people tend to get a gist of what it is that you mean when it’s used in a conversation.

“I feel a way” is a term that has been used over the years to express feeling hurt, disappointment, anger, or frustration about a particular situation. As aforementioned, I am very guilty of using this phrase in spite of my issues with doing so. Reason being is because I believe that many of us struggle with being able to effectively articulate our emotions which can lead to further miscommunication and unresolved issues within ourselves and with others.

A few years ago I discovered my personality temperament (which is your personality defined and explained in areas of inclusion, affection and control.) I learned the core of my personality which included dysfunctional behaviors, fears, strengths and weaknesses. Discovering my temperament helped me to identify and articulate my emotions to others in a way that was clear and understandable. Instead of using statements like “I feel a way about what you did,” I began saying things like “Your actions made me feel rejected which in turn hurt my feelings.” This was a MAJOR milestone in the relationship I had with myself and my relationship with others. The key here was communication.

Effective communication takes practice but it is something that as a woman who is living in her legacy, you will have to learn to do in order to achieve your best consciousness of self. If you cannot communicate to others clearly what it is that you are feeling on the inside then how can you expect others to understand you? Then when you feel misunderstood, you begin to internalize everything which can lead to feelings of loneliness. We do not grow in isolation but in community.

Another powerful point in being able to communicate your feelings effectively is that you will be able to identify if that emotion is valid in the particular situation. Let’s say that you are up for an important job role or huge opportunity and unfortunately you do not get the position; you can feel rejected or like you are not enough as a result of that. Nonetheless, if you recognize those emotions, articulate those to yourself then you can tell yourself that your feelings are not true because you are already whole, you are worthy, you are enough and you can move forward. Remember that we cannot always trust our emotions as truth.

It’s more than OK to feel things and sometimes we cannot help how we feel but we can help how we choose to react to those feelings. A woman of legacy is one who can identify and articulate her emotions in a truthful, loving way so that she can be in the best relationship with herself and consequently be in a better relationship with others.

Next time you “feel a way,” try to explain what it is that you feel. Communication is the KEY to better relationships and a better life.

As always, it’s my honor to serve.

XOXO,

Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy