Five Things To Do After You’ve Failed

by desing | Faith & Purpose

I don’t know one person that wants to fail or enjoys failure. Failure hurts and the fear of failure is perhaps one of the most common reasons why most people fail to give their dreams a try.

Failure can be painful, and even embarrassing. How do I know? Because I’ve been there, done that and got the t-shirt. We live in a world where success is so glamorized but how many times have you ever had someone authentically speak about their failures? Failure is this secret thing that’s going on behind-the-scenes that everyone is dealing with but no one is talking about.

No one is giving lessons on how to deal with failure. There have been so many times when I’ve experienced the labor pains of birthing my dreams or the growing pains of becoming a woman where I yearned to talk to someone who had gone thru what I was dealing with it. All I wanted to ask was “How did you get through this? What did you do?” That person never showed up so instead of looking for it in others, I started looking for it inside of the unchangeable force that lives inside of me.

That’s when I learned one of the greatest lessons: Everything that I need is already inside of me to accomplish the destiny that has been set before me.

You might want the comfort of others but that may not always be there. You are so beautifully made and you must know that all that you need to get through whatever failures you’ve experienced lives inside of you. It may not feel like it but its there. You can’t draw strength from someone else; true strength comes within yourself.

Nevertheless, I’m going to share with you five things you can do after you’ve failed to learn the lesson and gain power over that failure. We give failures way too much power over us and it’s time to get your power back! Don’t allow your failures hold you captive any longer and this is how:

1. Understand that failure is just an event and it doesn’t define you – This is first and most crucial step. Your failures do not define who you are; failures are events in life not the end of life. If you allow failure or successes to define you, then that means that both failure and success have the power to determine your worth, purpose and meaning. This is too much power to give away. You are worthy whether you’ve failed or succeed.
2. Change your mindset and expectations – Once you’ve experienced failure, it can be such a challenge to expect good things to happen. If you adapt this mindset, then you are giving that failure power of your future destiny. The failure from your past is going to steal the success of your future. You will get what you expect and you will attract what you believe. The greatest battle in life is the one fought in your mind. If you keep expecting the negative outcomes then that’s exactly what will manifest. You have to tear down those negative, fear, worry based thoughts and replace them with thoughts of your desired outcome.
3. Have a positive evaluation of what happened – In order to move forward, you have to adapt a positive evaluation of your past. So instead of blaming yourself, others, holding onto bitterness or what you could have done differently – have a different outlook on what happened. What can you learn? Why do you think that failure had to happen? How can this prepare you for your future? In light of you want for your future, what’s the wisest way to address your past? A good way to do this is to name what you went through because words have power to adjust your perspective. You can address that failure as a “bad breakup” or “God eliminating the wrong person to make you prepared for the right person.” Or instead of “my business is failing and I’m broke” change it to “I’m learning perseverance and how to become resourceful so that I can effectively run my successful business in the future.”
4. Take responsibility for any part you have – This part is obvious but not easy. You must learn to take responsibility for your part of the failure. Accept it, own it, forgive yourself if you need to and move forward.
5. Determine what wisdom you can take away from the failure – After you’ve assessed what part you’re responsible for, determine what lessons you can take away from this failure. What can you do differently next time? How can you apply what you’ve learned to the next time? What can you avoid doing this time? What parameters or boundaries do you need to set next time? These are the questions you ask so that you truly become victorious over those failures!

If you’ve had some failure with your goals and you want to work with an accountability partner, then I highly recommend setting up a Goal-Setting Session. This is a great way to gain insight from someone else who may see mistakes that you’ve missed.

Remember that the way that your heart feels is a result of what you’re concentrating on. Fix your eyes on the future and take your eyes off that failure.

XOXO,

Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy

What to Do When You Don’t Know What to Do Next

by desing | Faith & Purpose

Have you had one of those moments when you’re working super hard towards your goals and it seems like the harder you work at it, the more resistance you encounter?

You feel like you’re hitting dead end after dead end but sometimes it’s not a dead end but a redirection.

Instead of recognizing that, like most of us, you keep going towards that goal trying any and every strategy that you think may work (my fellow entrepreneurs can relate to what I’m saying) but you’re still hitting that dead end.

Nothing seems to be working as you’ve tried everything and you don’t know what else to do.

Well, here’s a little advice –

Take a break, walk away for a moment, gather your thoughts and get back to it later.

I don’t know about you but there seems to be this social pressure to always be busy because in our culture we’re misled to believe that our worth is in how busy you are or how much you’ve produced.

However, being busy doesn’t always mean that you’re being effective. You want to be effective with how you’re spending your time instead of trying to put on the façade of always being busy in order to validate your worth.

You are and always will be worthy because you are a living, breathing human being. You don’t need to have all the answers and everything figured it out in order to achieve your success. When you let go and allow the ideas to come to you, you’ll find that success will begin to attract itself towards you instead of you struggling to reach for it.

There have been times where I’ve felt guilty for taking a day off or like something was wrong because I really didn’t know how I was going to solve the “dead ends” that I was facing. But then I had to ask myself why I felt that way, which is when I realized that I was looking for meaning and purpose in being busy and having all the answers to my success.

Maybe you’re in a current situation where you keep trying to figure out how to drive traffic from your Instagram to your website in order gain sales, or you keep trying to get that promotion, or you keep trying to get your boyfriend to propose to you or you keep trying to break that smoking habit but nothing you try is working.

Perhaps it’s time to let go of trying to figure it all out. Get off of Instagram for a few days and go have some fun with your friends or grab a glass of wine alone. Take a few days off of work and take a short vacation or a “staycation” where you stay home and enjoy some down time instead of going crazy trying to figure out how you’re going to get promoted. Take a break from looking for a job for a few hours, pack a good lunch, go sit in the park and read a good book. Stop trying to get your boyfriend to propose to you and trust that if he’s the one, it will happen at the right time which may not be your timing. Celebrate every day or every hour that you go without smoking that cigarette and take it one moment at a time.

In those quiet moments, your spirit will speak to you and give you the direction, wisdom and guidance that you need. Instead of rejecting it, embrace it and trust that you’ll be redirected to finish what you started!

Don’t feel guilty for taking a break, we all need it.

XOXO,

Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy

Don’t Be a Punk, Fight For Your Success

by desing | Faith & Purpose

You may be familiar with the iconic line from the movie, The Color Purple where Sophia (beautifully played by Oprah Winfrey) has had enough and she says “All my life I’ve had to fight!”

Sophia hit it on head!

Anything good in this life is going to require you to fight for it. It’s so easy to give up on anything once things get tough because no one enjoys experiencing pain, frustration, disappointment or delay. Whether it is your dreams, your marriage, your family, your happiness, your prosperity – you have to accept that you are going to have to fight for it!

Life will throw you some unexpected circumstances that may try to steal your joy, peace, hope, patience or integrity. Sometimes those circumstances can be so scary that we allow ourselves to be bullied into the corner by them.

If this is your current situation, then it’s time to fight back! Don’t allow life to bully you into a corner any longer because everything in your life is going to be a fight for territory. There will always be an opposing force trying to stop you from your success. You are not defined by your circumstances as your circumstances do not define who you are. Who you are is expressed in how you choose to respond to what life throws at you.

You can choose to wine or win, sink or swim, be bullied or fight back as the choice is yours. Bullies know exactly who to pick on; the ones who are not going to put up a fight. Bullies will never go after someone that they know will fight for their lunch money; they prey on the weak which shows how weak they really are.

Sometimes we give our challenges too much power over us, especially if it involves our finances. Having money is great but don’t let money have you. If you’re not in the best financial situation because you’re not making enough money, in between jobs or your business isn’t making as many sales as you thought, please stop feeling sorry for yourself and stop judging your success by a season in your life. All seasons eventually change. Make a commitment that your prosperity is worth the fight so relax. The right opportunity is coming at the right time.

Everything that happens to you is happening for you and it’s happening for a reason that although you may not understand, it will work out for your best in the end. Keep getting back up again and again and again, until you accomplish your goal.

You might be experiencing a rough patch between you and your husband or boyfriend. Well if you love each other, and that’s where you want to be then make a commitment to fight your relationship. Don’t look for the exit sign at the first sign of trouble. Fight for what’s rightfully yours!

Like Sophia made very clear, all your life you’ll have to fight. But the good news is that it’s worth it! When you fight for your success you will cherish it so much more because if it were handed to you, you would probably take it for granted.

You’re a warrior whether or not you may know it. Some circumstances come into our lives so that we can strengthen character traits that we’ll need to use later. The only way you can strengthen a character trait is by exercising it. Just like physical exercise makes your muscles sore because you’re using muscles that aren’t used to be strengthened, your character attributes will “feel sore” as you tap into them. It will hurt to exercise patience, tenacity, strength, selflessness or perseverance if you’ve never had to tap into that part of you before.

You have the RIGHT to a successful life! Consider your challenge as just another bully that’s trying to punk you around and choose to fight back!

XOXO,

Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy

Stop Dimming Your Light Girl!

by desing | Faith & Purpose

I’m sure that you probably by now that most people don’t think like us. What I mean by “us” are those of us who are laser-sharp focused on accomplishing some extraordinary goals. We know what we want and we’re not afraid to put in the work, time, money and effort to get there. We’re not chasing success, we’re unapologetically creating the life that we want and deserve.

But on the flip side of things, it can be a challenge to achieve those goals while you’re surrounded by a world that accepts, promotes and condones a mediocre, average, just-have-enough-to-get by lifestyle and way of thinking. We’re taught to just go to school, get a good and “safe” job, so we can pay our taxes, retire and die. I don’t know about you but that’s not the life I’m building and neither should you.

The battle of the “extraordinary” versus the “ordinary” is the epic battle of giraffes and turtles. I’ve shared this quote with you by Bishop TD Jakes before, “When you are a giraffe and you receive criticism from turtles, they are reporting the view from the level that they’re on.” Please don’t be one of those people that allows a “turtle” to talk you out of your giraffe vision. They can’t see what you see because they don’t have the capacity to.

The journey of success can get lonely because most people are content with an average lifestyle, but just because they’re content does not mean that you have to be. Nor do you have to dim your light around those people in order to make them feel better about themselves.

If the people around you (maybe coworkers, family, neighbors, or friends) don’t think like you do, then have compassion for them because people can only think to the level which they’re exposed to. You can’t expect someone who’s never been exposed to success to understand the lifestyle of success and wealth.

I see too many of us get in situations where we dim our own lights of beauty, extraordinaire, confidence, business savvy, fabulousness (yes that’s a word to me) to make other people feel comfortable. You’re too beautiful, brilliant, focused, driven and goal-oriented for that!

Instead of allowing the environment to control you, you set the atmosphere around you. If someone doesn’t like you because you’re confident, driven and focused then that’s their problem and not yours.

How other people feel about you is none of your business.

Make it your mission to surround yourself with other “giraffes” because if you’re the smartest one in your circle then your circle is too small. Better yet, if you’re surrounded by five other broke people then chances are you’re the 6th one.

Never be afraid to meet new people, especially other women who can add value to your life and who you can also add value to theirs. Instead of focusing on what you can get out of a relationship, start thinking of what you can give.

You NEVER know where your next opportunity is going to come from. You never know when you’re being interviewed and you never know who’s watching you. When I went from intern to employee at Warner Music Group, I didn’t get hired by the department I interned for. I was hired by an Executive Vice President from a totally different department who I had never even met before but he heard about me from other executives at the company.

Be committed to the excellent and extraordinary woman you are at all times because you might be dimming your light in the wrong room.

Of course don’t be a cocky, arrogant chick because that won’t get you anywhere either. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with letting your light shine and when you do, you’ll attract others who are just as bright, bold and beautiful as you!

XOXO,

Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy

How My Epic Fail Revealed My Shallow Motives of Success

by desing | Faith & Purpose

It was almost this time a year ago that I entered one of the most challenging, toughest, testing seasons of my life – even though most people around me didn’t know it.

My book, Take the Limits Off Your Legacy, had just been released and I had a book launch event that was an epic fail! It was pouring raining, pretty much nobody showed up and my boyfriend ending up covering most of the cost of the venue because I made NO money off the event.  I was mortified, embarrassed and I never felt so insignificant in my life. To add insult to injury, that same week, I had to cancel the launch of my Made to Succeed Academy: Summer Institute (summer program for teen girls) because I only had ONE student apply for the program.

This is only a piece of what was going on because if I get into all the details, I’ll be writing another 30 pages but just know that everything in my life was being tested.

I had had it and decided to go into the only safe place I knew which was my prayer time. I got rid of all distractions and I started to look for guidance, clarity and understanding on why all hell was breaking loose. Why was everything I touched failing?

That’s when it hit me and I discovered something really embarrassing about myself. My desire for success was rooted in the shallowest reasons. I was still struggling with my identity, sense of meaning and self-worth and I was seeking my validation in my success. I wanted to prove to myself, my family and those who didn’t believe in me that I was indeed powerful, worthy and successful.

I wanted the benefits of success but I didn’t want the process. I wanted to stunt on Instagram and validate that my life had meaning. I had a competitive and envious spirit that wanted to be like all the other successful women we see on social media and that’s exactly why I wasn’t succeeding.

My motives sucked!

Once I discovered that, I went to work on it. I would check my motives on any and every endeavor before I decided to commit to it. If I felt that shallow, competitive, low self-worth feeling then I would walk away from the opportunity which is something that I still have remind myself of. Once I recognized that my circumstances don’t define who I am and I started pursing goals with a positive intention, then I started to actually see changes in achieving my goals!

So I ask you, what’s the real reason that you want to be successful? Are you trying to get to 500K followers on Instagram to feel validated? Do you want to be rich to over compensate the insecurity that stems in your childhood because you grew up poor? Do you want to get married and have children so you can feel that your life has meaning or so you can be like all the other women getting engaged on Facebook?

Until you recognize that you’re bad all by yourself meaning that your wholeness, identity, meaning, purpose and sense of approval stems from within yourself only – not in your circumstances then you’ll keep hitting roadblocks. Not only that, you’ll also never feel permanently secure. Those outside circumstances can be here today and gone tomorrow which is why many people can fall into depression when those challenges come. Those lies in your head tell you that something is wrong with you or that you’re not good enough.

Those are lies and far from the truth! You’re whole, complete, beautiful, and significant with meaning and purpose just as you are. Your life is an assignment that has been specifically designed for you and you alone. You have a purpose to fulfill and no matter what you’re going through, you are bad all by yourself!

Take the time this week to have a real conversation with yourself and check the intentions behind your success. Be honest and if there’s something you discover that needs to change, get to work on it! So many times we’re in such a rush to birth our dreams that we forget to work on ourselves. Talent will take you somewhere that character can’t sustain you so make sure your character is intact before you start pursuing your goals.

XOXO,

Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy
@iammariamelendez

What Ants Can Teach Us About Goals

by desing | Faith & Purpose

Every week I like to empower, educate and inspire you with a special “Embrace Her Legacyism” message and over the years, I’ve heard so many testimonies from you who’ve told me how these messages have motivated you.

I just write what’s on my heart and I normally draw inspiration from something I’m learning, going through or been through. So last week, I had to take my own advice on something that I’ve shared for years and that’s when you have a goal that isn’t manifesting the way you thought it would, don’t change the goal but change the strategy to get there. I learned this from that late personal development guru, Jim Rohn.

There are certain business goals that I’ve had for over a year now and I’ve been using the same action steps to try to conquer those goals but those strategies were not working at all, whatsoever. I stubbornly kept doing the same thing, expecting to get different results and we know that’s the definition of insanity.

After realizing this, I told myself to “think like an ant.” I know that may seem weird but have you ever stopped to analyze how ants work? Those itty bitty creatures know the meaning of getting the goal accomplished no matter what! If an ant is carrying a speck of bread back to his queen, nothing will deter that ant from accomplishing his mission. If you put a rock in his path, he will either go under, around or over the rock in order to get to his destination. They don’t cry, wine or throw a fit about the obstacle. They don’t change their goal; they just change the strategy to get there which is the mindset I’ve started to apply to some of my goals and I’m already seeing the change!

Maybe this is your current situation. Perhaps you’ve been trying and trying to achieve that goal but your current strategy isn’t working. You may be tempted to change or even give up on the goal. Well, this is your wake up call to change your strategy not your goal.

Perhaps you’ve been trying to grow your Instagram followers on your business page and nothing you’ve been trying is working. Have you tried investing into a social media for business class? Maybe you’ve been trying to get that promotion at work but you keep working harder and you’re not getting anything in return? Have you tried to set-up a meeting with your supervisor for a performance review to see how you can set yourself up to be next in line for that promotion? Maybe you keep having trouble saving your money and you’ve tried budgeting but it doesn’t work. Have you tried reading books on financial management or maybe turning off your credit cards?

What goal have you been trying to achieve but you keep hitting the same dead end? Instead of being frustrated about it, I want you to do this:

• Write down the goal at the top of large piece of paper or in your journal as you should always keep a goals journal.
• Under your goal, I want you to brainstorm all the possible resources and strategies that you have access to help you achieve that goal.
• Then, determine at least 2 of those strategies that you will implement.
• Write down the new action steps that you need to take toward that goal.

When you’re doing this, get quiet and follow that still quiet voice in your heart. Ask yourself what’s the intention of you achieving your goal. If you’re trying to get that promotion because you want to compete with your uber successful sister or you want to make millions in your business to validate your self-worth then your motives are in the wrong place and you’ll keep hitting dead ends.

Make sure that you’re clear on your intentions and follow what you believe you’re supposed to do. What worked for someone else may not work for you so make sure you’re operating in the flow of your inner spirit instead of following what worked for someone else.

Be like that ant and find the strategy that’s going to work for you!

XOXO,

Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy

The Greatest Enemy of Success

by desing | Faith & Purpose

This weekend I had such an epiphany and I couldn’t wait to share it with you. I decided to go through my Instagram account to clean up shop and unfollow any inactive accounts. I do this every now and again to make sure that I’m not overwhelming the account and that I’m not following anything inappropriate.

Side note: I’m super careful of what I post on social media because you NEVER know what will come back to bite you in the butt and I will feel real silly if I lost an opportunity about something so trivial so always think before you post.

Well as I’m hitting the “unfollow” button, I noticed some of those accounts hadn’t posted in months, some hadn’t posted in over a year. I felt crushed because some were incredible organizations, businesses, movements, and blogs that seemed to have fallen by the wayside.

I’ve been at this “entrepreneurial/walking in my purpose” journey for years now. When I started, there were so many people that started with me as they built their own businesses and birth those dreams. However, as I’ve walked deeper into my journey, I noticed that many of those people dropped out of the race.

I started to ask myself this question, why have so many people decided to quit or put their dreams on standby?

It’s simple – comfort.

When you decide to pursue your purpose full-time and it doesn’t go the way you anticipated, it’s natural to go back into working full-time for someone else and part-time on your dreams. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with that. But I’ve noticed that it takes one extraordinary, determined, driven, persistent human being to not allow the comfort of a guaranteed income stream, benefits, and vacations to distract you from realizing your dreams 100%.

There’s this notion that “right now is not that time” or “I’ll get back to that business next year.” I’m here to tell you that it will never, ever be the perfect timing.

That’s why comfort can be the greatest enemy of success.

Have you ever noticed that some of the most dynamic success stories come from people who were forced into uncomfortable circumstances? Once their back was put up against a wall, they had no choice but to be creative, tap into their potential and make a way out of what seems to be no way. Daymond John (the award winning entrepreneur, branding expert and the “people’s Shark” on Shark Tank), calls this the power of broke.

When you’re broke, uncomfortable and outright tired of mediocrity in your life then you’re forced into becoming the force of nature that you were always created to be. When you’re fed up with allowing fear to paralyze you, just getting by, having another person start the same business idea you had, not having enough money to buy the groceries you want, or not being able to afford the meal you want at dinner with your friends that when you’ve reached your breaking point.

It’s up to you to decide to choose comfort or courage, but you cannot have both.

So where have you allowed comfort to deter you from going all the way in to achieve your goals? I know how that feels because I was so comfortable with making a set income when I was working in the music business that it stopped me from even looking for a new job, let alone start a business because I was comfortable – even though my soul was dying.

Did you have a catering business that you allowed to fall by the wayside? Have you stopped working on your blog because you’re working too much? Did you stop pursuing that acting career because you got a nice, cozy corporate job but your heart is screaming for you to get back in the game?

True success isn’t for the faint of heart my dear! I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the greatest inventions, books, businesses, movies and albums are birthed from people who have been from their job. Walt Disney was fired from his job because he wasn’t creative enough, Mark Cuban was fired from his job at a computer store because he failed to open the store one day and Oprah was told she wasn’t a good fit for television news and was demoted!

Sometimes we’re pushed into those uncomfortable situations because God knows that’s the only way He’ll get you to see what was already inside of you.

You have an unstoppable champion and a remarkable legacy that is waiting to be birthed inside of you! Don’t allow anyone else to dictate your destiny for you so don’t wait until you’re pushed into uncomfortable circumstances to pursue your dreams full force.

Decide right now that you’ll get back into the game!
XOXO,

Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy
@iammariamelendez