Change The Conversation (Video Post)

by desing | Faith & Purpose, Tools

Isn’t it so much easier to complain and talk about all of the things that are going wrong? I’m noticing that in many of the conversations that I am having and listening to, everyone seems to be focused on how hard things or how things are not going the way one anticipated. It’s almost as if we are focused on surviving and we forget to focus on progressing.

Our conversations consist of what’s missing, what we’re working towards, what could be better instead of what we have, what’s right and how far we have come. I think it’s time that we change the conversation.

Is it possible to be happy along the journey while trying to achieve whatever the goal is? Absolutely! However, we keep saying things like “I’ll be happy when…” Why can’t we be happy now? In our conversations with our girlfriends, we complain about work, life, men and all things in between but what if we changed the conversation to focus on everything that is going right? I think we’d have plenty more happy women walking around. Don’t you?

I know that normally I can go on and on as we know I can talk. This time, I want to keep things simple. I want you to make the choice right now to change the conversation you are having. Maybe it’s not you who has the change the conversation, perhaps it’s the people around you. If that is the case, then I want you to be the catalyst that encourages others to change their conversation. Challenge others around you to change their conversation.

The next time you want to complain about what your husband did or did not do, how about you change the conversation to what he is doing right? The next time you want to complain about the market and how challenging it is for you to find your perfect home on your budget, try to change the conversation to focus on something else that is going well. Perhaps you landed a promotion, met your fitness goals or have been asked to serve in a leadership position at your church. Heck, maybe you even got a great deal on some new shoes!

Changing the conversation not only keeps us focused on what’s right, it sparks an attitude of gratitude while training our minds to remain positive. The quality of our lives is determined by the quality of our thinking. I’m not telling you to hold everything inside but I am encouraging you to choose the “theme” of your conversations. I promise that when you do, you will see the change in your perspective and a growth within yourself. Not everything “bad” that happens to you requires a 2.5 hour conversation which only makes things worse. What you make room for in your life (both good or bad), you empower to grow. Remember that!

XOXO,
Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy 

Grace Will Take You Where Hustling Can’t! (VIDEO POST)

by desing | Faith & Purpose, Tools

As I continue to live in my purpose and embrace this extraordinary journey of success, nothing thrills me more than to be able to share nuggets of wisdom that I am learning with you. Every time I am in a “valley” or in a “dry season,” I am starting to understand that I am going through that valley to learn and mature not only for myself but for others.

With maturity, comes a further level of understanding that one can only appreciate until after a lesson is learned. In all transparency, this year has been quite the test of faith for me but in the midst of it all, I have learned to find my joy and peace within myself which was something that I know I could not do a year ago.

I want to share with you the most valuable lesson that I have learned this year thus far. I have learned that when we really let go of our major concerns and stop trying to figure out how “it” will happen, get taken care of or get paid for – then that is when I believe God comes in and does what only He can do. I kid you not when I say that my greatest achievements in life have come when I was not looking, when I let go or when I was not worried about it. It happened as I went about my life, minding my business free from worry.

It’s a magical thing that happens when we let go. Let go of our fears, let go of our worries, let go of people, let go of pain, let go of figuring out how to make it happen and make a conscious decision to trust God while continuing to put our best foot forward. What I have embraced is this very fact: grace will take you where hustling can’t.

If you only knew how God has been proving Himself faithful even in my life’s storms. All I have to say is “Wow!” Furthermore, I see that every perceived “set back” is something that God has allowed or something that He has put in my life only to make me sharper, wiser, more faithful and more confident in my journey. I now know for a FACT that my steps are being ordered – even when circumstances may not make much sense to me.

Isn’t that what faith really is in the first place?

Today, I encourage you to let it all go. Whether your concern is about your business, financial situation, family or next step in life, I want you to just let it go. Now, I’m not saying to live life aimlessly and not have a plan or goals. What I am saying is to focus on what you can do and let go of what you cannot do. You are not in control of the seasons, God is. As much as I would love to have summer start all over again, it’s just not that time of year. What I can do is adjust to the season that I am in and prepare for the next one. And you never know, there may be an opportunity on the horizon that may take me to a place where the weather is lovely all year round. I am choosing to live in expectancy of great things, but I am letting go of how it will all happen.

I promise you that when you let go, do your best and trust your process you will begin to see the magic begin to unveil on its own. If there were tulips growing in your garden, you wouldn’t stare at them all day every day waiting for the moment in which they sprout open right? You would water them, nurture the soil and go back to your life. But you know that eventually, those beautiful flowers are going to blossom. Same goes for you. Just water and nurture your soil, go back to living your life and trust that your blossoming moment will come to pass.

XOXO,

Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy

Speak Up & Tell Them How You Feel!

by desing | Faith & Purpose, Tools

How many times have we heard things like, “Don’t take it personally” or “Keep your feelings out of it” when on our career path? It is said that women are naturally more emotional and relationship-oriented, which I wholeheartedly agree with as I have no shame in admitting that I am exactly that and being so does not make me any less of a woman because I have learned to manage my emotions. And trust me when I say that I am still learning and like everyone else, I have my moments.

Nonetheless, I have been thinking about how sometimes I would often confuse controlling my emotions with allowing my emotions to build up as a result of not wanting to confront anyone. Oftentimes we may confuse communicating how we feel with being powerless and vulnerable which is totally not the case. In my journey of womanhood, the most crucial component to my growth as a woman has been the ability to effectively identify and communicate how I feel to whomever I need to at the moment.

Like most of us, I grew up in an environment where telling someone how you really felt was considered giving away your power. Thus, I would walk around with all this built up emotion which would usually erupt in a flaring temper where I would act out, break down, shut down and the cycle would inevitably repeat the next time I exploded. As I grew older (and with the help of my best friend), I recognized that that sort of behavior was highly dysfunctional and I had to learn to communicate with others more effectively or else I would never be able to keep long-lasting, healthy relationships.

Consequently, I started doing just that and, boy did my life change! However, I made this mistake of thinking that because I changed; everyone around me would also change. Haaaaa!!! Funny right? I would see others doing exactly what I would do and I would try to encourage them to communicate, to articulate what it is that they are really feeling to have others understand their viewpoint in the best way possible. I would notice things like passive aggressive behavior along with simply not confronting others or not holding others in their lives accountable for their actions. Eventually I realized that it would be up to them to change so I have learned to wash my hands of people who are committed to misunderstanding. I try to lead by example and so should you.

What’s my point?

If you are one of those people who has trouble confronting others or expressing how you truly feel then I want you to start to think of ways to change that. Part of the essence of being a woman, is being able to appropriately deal with confrontation and articulately communicate your standpoint in any and every circumstance.  The first place you can begin is to get to the root of what you are feeling and identify what it is that you are experiencing. For example, anger is a secondary emotion that is rooted in pain. The next time you are angry, try to identify what or who it is that has hurt you.

We have to learn to be clear on our communication with others and be able to confront others while holding them accountable for their actions. This does not mean a yelling match or hurting others out of your hurt because I need us to all become better communicators – especially in our jobs and in our homes. If someone at your job has done something to offend you or is taking advantage of you then say something to them clearly and calmly. If someone in your life has done something to hurt you then tell them – do not tell every other person but the person you have the issue with. We cannot continue to walk around acting like nothing ever bothers us because that’s just an explosion waiting to happen – I used to be a walking volcano so I know!

Now don’t begin to allow your emotions to rule over you but there are instances in your life where your emotions are valid and you have every right to express yourself. If you have a great idea that you want to share at your next team meeting, then say it! We have to understand that we have power in our voices and we have to use them correctly. Speak your mind while saying it simply and simply saying it. This is not your excuse to be rude or nasty but this is a call for us to speak up when it’s time to speak up! There is a difference between controlling your emotions and just sweeping them under the rug. Be confident enough in you to stand up for yourself with class, grace and dignity. You are indeed worth it!

I pray that this was able to help someone today. Remember to say it simply and simply say it 🙂

XOXO,

Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy