by desing | Faith & Purpose, Tools
Isn’t it fascinating to have “a ha” moments when you weren’t even looking?
So over the weekend I had the pleasure to speak on a panel, discussing entrepreneurship, at the YES Conference at Barnard College in New York City. The organization focuses on the empowerment of girls who are entrepreneurs or are aspiring entrepreneurs.
Our panel was a unique component of the conference where myself and other accomplished women discussed the “ins and outs” of entrepreneurship with the parents of the hopeful entrepreneurs. I absolutely loved hearing all the words of wisdom shared and the excitement of the parents.
After the panel was over, a parent of one of the girls comes up to me asking for advice in a particular area; of course I agreed to share as much information as I could. What happened next surprised me.
She proceeds to say something along the lines of, “I see all of you accomplished women on the panel and how you guys have it all together and I wish I could be like that.” Immediately, I told her not to believe the hype. We are all on our own journey and NO ONE is perfect. I couldn’t speak for the other panelists, but I told her that I was not where I ultimately want to be either, however, I understand that I am on my journey and so is she.
This got me to thinking.
How many of us look at other accomplished women and wish that we had what they have? How many of us look at all the women doing fantastic things on social media, hoping that we simply had a taste of their success?
I wanted to hug that woman at the conference and let her know of all the challenges I have overcome, prayed over and am still battling daily. We are often mislead to believe that no one else has it as hard as we do, or that someone else’s life is more desirable, or that someone else has it all together.
LIES!
Behind every accomplished woman that you see is one heck of a story. You do not know what she has had to triumph over to get where she is today and you also NEVER know what challenges someone is currently dealing with. In addition, you may be comparing your chapter 3 to someone else’s chapter 25.
We have to learn to accept our journey as our own and embrace all of it – the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful. I am convinced that every last experience we go through and every challenge we face is placed in our lives to challenge, provoke, grow and perfect us into becoming who we need to be in order to do what we have been called to do.
Each one of us is dealt a hand but you have the power living on the inside of you to play the hand you were dealt so that you can win. Stop looking at other people’s hands and focus on the hand you were dealt.
I am here to tell you that you NEVER know what someone is really going through and if you did you may be glad that you do not have their life. I can admit that I have been that person and still have those moments where I am tempted to compare so it’s an ongoing process to change the way we think.
There are several women whom I have admired from afar and when I finally met these “empowered” women, I realized that many of them were wearing all sorts of masks and putting on a façade of empowerment – in actuality some of them were not as empowered as I thought.
This was a huge eye opener for me.
So I leave you with this: embrace your individual journey, stop comparing your beginning to someone else’s middle, you never know what someone else has had to go through or is still going through to get where they are, and what you may think is “successful” may be an intricately crafted pretense.
Take the time to live and embrace your legacy 🙂
XOXO,
Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy
by desing | Faith & Purpose, Tools
Isn’t it so much easier to complain and talk about all of the things that are going wrong? I’m noticing that in many of the conversations that I am having and listening to, everyone seems to be focused on how hard things or how things are not going the way one anticipated. It’s almost as if we are focused on surviving and we forget to focus on progressing.
Our conversations consist of what’s missing, what we’re working towards, what could be better instead of what we have, what’s right and how far we have come. I think it’s time that we change the conversation.
Is it possible to be happy along the journey while trying to achieve whatever the goal is? Absolutely! However, we keep saying things like “I’ll be happy when…” Why can’t we be happy now? In our conversations with our girlfriends, we complain about work, life, men and all things in between but what if we changed the conversation to focus on everything that is going right? I think we’d have plenty more happy women walking around. Don’t you?
I know that normally I can go on and on as we know I can talk. This time, I want to keep things simple. I want you to make the choice right now to change the conversation you are having. Maybe it’s not you who has the change the conversation, perhaps it’s the people around you. If that is the case, then I want you to be the catalyst that encourages others to change their conversation. Challenge others around you to change their conversation.
The next time you want to complain about what your husband did or did not do, how about you change the conversation to what he is doing right? The next time you want to complain about the market and how challenging it is for you to find your perfect home on your budget, try to change the conversation to focus on something else that is going well. Perhaps you landed a promotion, met your fitness goals or have been asked to serve in a leadership position at your church. Heck, maybe you even got a great deal on some new shoes!
Changing the conversation not only keeps us focused on what’s right, it sparks an attitude of gratitude while training our minds to remain positive. The quality of our lives is determined by the quality of our thinking. I’m not telling you to hold everything inside but I am encouraging you to choose the “theme” of your conversations. I promise that when you do, you will see the change in your perspective and a growth within yourself. Not everything “bad” that happens to you requires a 2.5 hour conversation which only makes things worse. What you make room for in your life (both good or bad), you empower to grow. Remember that!
XOXO,
Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy
by desing | Faith & Purpose, Tools
As I continue to live in my purpose and embrace this extraordinary journey of success, nothing thrills me more than to be able to share nuggets of wisdom that I am learning with you. Every time I am in a “valley” or in a “dry season,” I am starting to understand that I am going through that valley to learn and mature not only for myself but for others.
With maturity, comes a further level of understanding that one can only appreciate until after a lesson is learned. In all transparency, this year has been quite the test of faith for me but in the midst of it all, I have learned to find my joy and peace within myself which was something that I know I could not do a year ago.
I want to share with you the most valuable lesson that I have learned this year thus far. I have learned that when we really let go of our major concerns and stop trying to figure out how “it” will happen, get taken care of or get paid for – then that is when I believe God comes in and does what only He can do. I kid you not when I say that my greatest achievements in life have come when I was not looking, when I let go or when I was not worried about it. It happened as I went about my life, minding my business free from worry.
It’s a magical thing that happens when we let go. Let go of our fears, let go of our worries, let go of people, let go of pain, let go of figuring out how to make it happen and make a conscious decision to trust God while continuing to put our best foot forward. What I have embraced is this very fact: grace will take you where hustling can’t.
If you only knew how God has been proving Himself faithful even in my life’s storms. All I have to say is “Wow!” Furthermore, I see that every perceived “set back” is something that God has allowed or something that He has put in my life only to make me sharper, wiser, more faithful and more confident in my journey. I now know for a FACT that my steps are being ordered – even when circumstances may not make much sense to me.
Isn’t that what faith really is in the first place?
Today, I encourage you to let it all go. Whether your concern is about your business, financial situation, family or next step in life, I want you to just let it go. Now, I’m not saying to live life aimlessly and not have a plan or goals. What I am saying is to focus on what you can do and let go of what you cannot do. You are not in control of the seasons, God is. As much as I would love to have summer start all over again, it’s just not that time of year. What I can do is adjust to the season that I am in and prepare for the next one. And you never know, there may be an opportunity on the horizon that may take me to a place where the weather is lovely all year round. I am choosing to live in expectancy of great things, but I am letting go of how it will all happen.
I promise you that when you let go, do your best and trust your process you will begin to see the magic begin to unveil on its own. If there were tulips growing in your garden, you wouldn’t stare at them all day every day waiting for the moment in which they sprout open right? You would water them, nurture the soil and go back to your life. But you know that eventually, those beautiful flowers are going to blossom. Same goes for you. Just water and nurture your soil, go back to living your life and trust that your blossoming moment will come to pass.
XOXO,
Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy
by desing | Faith & Purpose, Tools
How many times have we heard things like, “Don’t take it personally” or “Keep your feelings out of it” when on our career path? It is said that women are naturally more emotional and relationship-oriented, which I wholeheartedly agree with as I have no shame in admitting that I am exactly that and being so does not make me any less of a woman because I have learned to manage my emotions. And trust me when I say that I am still learning and like everyone else, I have my moments.
Nonetheless, I have been thinking about how sometimes I would often confuse controlling my emotions with allowing my emotions to build up as a result of not wanting to confront anyone. Oftentimes we may confuse communicating how we feel with being powerless and vulnerable which is totally not the case. In my journey of womanhood, the most crucial component to my growth as a woman has been the ability to effectively identify and communicate how I feel to whomever I need to at the moment.
Like most of us, I grew up in an environment where telling someone how you really felt was considered giving away your power. Thus, I would walk around with all this built up emotion which would usually erupt in a flaring temper where I would act out, break down, shut down and the cycle would inevitably repeat the next time I exploded. As I grew older (and with the help of my best friend), I recognized that that sort of behavior was highly dysfunctional and I had to learn to communicate with others more effectively or else I would never be able to keep long-lasting, healthy relationships.
Consequently, I started doing just that and, boy did my life change! However, I made this mistake of thinking that because I changed; everyone around me would also change. Haaaaa!!! Funny right? I would see others doing exactly what I would do and I would try to encourage them to communicate, to articulate what it is that they are really feeling to have others understand their viewpoint in the best way possible. I would notice things like passive aggressive behavior along with simply not confronting others or not holding others in their lives accountable for their actions. Eventually I realized that it would be up to them to change so I have learned to wash my hands of people who are committed to misunderstanding. I try to lead by example and so should you.
What’s my point?
If you are one of those people who has trouble confronting others or expressing how you truly feel then I want you to start to think of ways to change that. Part of the essence of being a woman, is being able to appropriately deal with confrontation and articulately communicate your standpoint in any and every circumstance. The first place you can begin is to get to the root of what you are feeling and identify what it is that you are experiencing. For example, anger is a secondary emotion that is rooted in pain. The next time you are angry, try to identify what or who it is that has hurt you.
We have to learn to be clear on our communication with others and be able to confront others while holding them accountable for their actions. This does not mean a yelling match or hurting others out of your hurt because I need us to all become better communicators – especially in our jobs and in our homes. If someone at your job has done something to offend you or is taking advantage of you then say something to them clearly and calmly. If someone in your life has done something to hurt you then tell them – do not tell every other person but the person you have the issue with. We cannot continue to walk around acting like nothing ever bothers us because that’s just an explosion waiting to happen – I used to be a walking volcano so I know!
Now don’t begin to allow your emotions to rule over you but there are instances in your life where your emotions are valid and you have every right to express yourself. If you have a great idea that you want to share at your next team meeting, then say it! We have to understand that we have power in our voices and we have to use them correctly. Speak your mind while saying it simply and simply saying it. This is not your excuse to be rude or nasty but this is a call for us to speak up when it’s time to speak up! There is a difference between controlling your emotions and just sweeping them under the rug. Be confident enough in you to stand up for yourself with class, grace and dignity. You are indeed worth it!
I pray that this was able to help someone today. Remember to say it simply and simply say it 🙂
XOXO,
Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy
by desing | Faith & Purpose, Tools
Secrets – we have all had them at one point or another. Lately, I have been looking at the hidden power that secrets can have in our lives and how harmful they can be to ourselves, our family, our self-esteem or our relationships if we allow our secrets to have power over us.
What you don’t know can hurt you. If there were special secrets about what it takes to truly become successful while attaining and obtaining wealth and you are not in on that secret – then guess what? Not knowing those secrets are going to have an adverse effect on your level of financial success. Or better yet – if you have had an indiscretion in your relationship and the other party does not know – guess what? Him or her not knowing that truth about one’s deceit is essentially him or her loving a lie because you are not intentionally unveiling who you are. Love speaks truth. It’s better to bruise a heart with the truth than to break one with a lie.
I wonder how much different this world would be if we honored our truths and took back the power of being held hostage to our secrets. It’s like we equate sharing our truth to being “weak” – but I believe it take strength to quit from hiding behind our masks of “perfection” and release the power from our secrets. What you hold in secret, will indeed have power over you.
In many of our upbringings, we are taught that “what happens in this house stays in this house.” This idea ignites a notion that secrets are shameful and we must put on the frontage of things always being fine in spite of how ugly things really are. We put on this mask of pretense and perfection because in actuality what we are dealing with is a major culprit called “fear.”
FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real
We fear the judgment, rejection and ridicule from others. We fear being vulnerable and having others draw all sorts of judgments and conclusions over our lives. And once when we are judged or rejected, it leads to pain. No one likes pain. So in order to avoid it all and not face the fear of rejection, we put on our masks, hold onto our secrets, grab the guilt, shame and fear and go about living day to day not recognizing how doing so is actually detrimental and not helpful.
So if you have any secrets that you’re locking away in fear of rejection, judgment or ridicule, I want you to take back your power. That very thing that you are holding in secret could be the very thing that God can use to help inspire others. God has the power to turn your mess into a message. Trust me when I say this because I used to fear sharing my past about a teenage suicidal attempt, struggling with low-self worth and an abusive relationship. You do not know how many chains of fear are broken when I am transparent with my audience and honor my truth. The key is that I have learned that I have to be willing to go first and in me doing so; I am a first-hand witness of the wave of transparency, honesty and fearlessness occurring around me.
Plenty of times our adversary will try to use our past or our secrets to hold us in hostage to the fear, shame and guilt. The lies tell us that if we honor our truths, then we are weak and no one will love us. Or better yet we will lose the respect of loved ones. Well this is what I have to say to that. The only love that you can count on day after day is the love of God. God loved the world so much (that means EVERYONE) that He came down in human form as a servant, died on a cross and was resurrected so that we can have eternal life and have the privilege to call on the name of Jesus Christ. No matter what you do, God loves you UNCONDITIONALLY and I don’t care what you’ve been led to believe but God loves you no matter what you have done, are doing or will do. His love is unconditional. The love we get from our parents, supporters, family, friends and significant others can change but the love you have from Almighty God is unconditional and unchanging. God’s love is the same yesterday, today and forever. Thus, if you honor your truth and you lose the love of a loved one, then know that God’s grace is sufficient. His love is more than enough! And if someone dismisses you because you chose courage to no longer live in hostage to your secrets then maybe it’s best that they go.
Why would you want to be around someone who will not love you for you, all of you? When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Sometimes it’s best to love from afar; people come into your life for reasons, seasons or a lifetime. Many of times people come into our lives to teach us something, so learn the value in the lesson and embrace the promises of your future.
Finally, I want you to know that although honoring your truth may not be easy it will be worth it. I am not telling you to spill your guts to every other person you meet but I am telling you to no longer live in hostage to your secrets. Secrets do not only affect yourself but they also affect everyone around you. Whatever is built on a lie is subject to fail and you were created to win! I want you to learn from your past, acknowledge the beautiful opportunity of the present and look forward to all the promises of your future. It’s time for you to become the above average person that you were meant to be. I am on the same journey with you.
Keep shining and always embrace your legacy.
XOXO,
Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy
About The Author:
As the “the midwife to your legacy”, social entrepreneur, author, motivational speaker, executive producer, and women’s leadership advocate– Maria I. Melendez has embraced her mission of empowering others to live life purposefully. After leaving her high-profile career in the music business to pursue her purpose of empowering others to live life in purpose and define their legacy, Maria has proven that she is the essence of living in purpose in order to inspire others to follow suit. She uses her personal story of overcoming challenge to discover and now live in her God-given purpose to help others birth their own gifts and vision by coaching, motivating and educating her audience through a 4-part process of ultimately Embracing Your Legacy.
by desing | Faith & Purpose, Tools
“Learn to work harder on yourself than you do on your job. If you work hard on your job you’ll make a living, if you work hard on yourself you can make a fortune.”
That’s the tone that I want to set off for this week’s message.
In the last (24) hours, I have realized just how powerful we are as human beings, I put an emphasis on that word “being” for a special reason because we are all being or becoming who we truly believe we will become. I wholeheartedly believe that you become what you believe, not what you want or desire, but what you truly believe about yourself.
Believing something does not start when we actually “see” the manifested evidence but believing starts in the mind way before we can actually see something. Our minds are the pinnacle of what makes us human beings so darn special and tremendously different from any other living species in this universe. We have the power to think and shape our worlds with our minds because every thing, every action and every successful venture was first manifested in the mind.
I am learning that in order to achieve true success then you have to change what is on the inside of you and that will be the catalyst to change what’s going on outside of you. Instead of trying to change your circumstances, I want you to start thinking about how you can change yourself.
We put so much hard work into our jobs and careers, spending years on educating ourselves, spending countless hours working harder at our jobs, getting up early and leaving late and doing all that is in our power to change our outside circumstance; instead of turning that same energy inward and work on our being, our character, our way of thinking, our way of looking at our circumstances, our philosophy, our attitudes or our gift of communication.
I want to encourage you to make a commitment to start going to work on yourself. How can you become better? How can you become more valuable? That is the major point that I want to stress here – in order to have more, you are going to have to become more. We are all on the journey of becoming and embracing our unique purposes, which we were each beautifully gifted for. I want us all to focus on becoming more – working harder on ourselves that we do on our jobs.
“Maria, so how do I do that?” I am so glad that you asked!
- Make a choice to no longer become easily offended and allow conflict to interrupt your circle of peace. If someone else’s action or lack thereof are interrupting your peace then, my dear, you are giving away too much power. Whatever conflict is going on in your world, community, family, business or job is not to interfere with your inner peace. If someone offends you, then make it water off a ducks back and let it slide off of you. When we focus our energy on being upset with others then that is energy that we are wasting when we can apply that same energy to our personal development.
- Develop a plan to make yourself more valuable. There is a reason someone can make $52 million a year at a company and another can make $20,000 a year. We are not paid for our time; we are paid for our value to the marketplace. I am not saying our value to God, our loved ones or purpose; I am strictly speaking in fiscal terms. Think of ways that you can make yourself more valuable to your company, if you can make your company $1 billion dollars, then you better believe that you are valuable to the marketplace and your salary will be an example of that.
- Be patient. Whether you are stuck in traffic, waiting on the subway train, or waiting for your success to physically harvest – I need for all of us to have a little more patience. Instead of looking at a circumstance with your “impatient” hat, then try to look at it from a different perspective. Perhaps God could be saving you from a fatal accident; that’s why you’re stuck in traffic. Or perhaps you are not ready yet for the success that is in store for you, maybe there is something that you are supposed to learn in your season of “waiting.”
- Don’t wish for less problems, wish for more skill. Instead of wishing or praying the problems away, ask God to give you a strategy or skill set to triumph over and learn from your challenges.
- Check the doubt at the door. The way someone else or a circumstance can have control over you is to instill doubt over you. If you are in a situation where perhaps your business is not making as much money as you thought it would then you may begin to doubt if you are doing the right thing and begin to question yourself. Doubt is another way to control you and fuel negative thinking. Eliminate the doubt from your mind.
- Get a personal development daily routine going. What you do in private determines public performance. Have a routine in place to help you work on yourself daily. It can prayer, exercise, reading motivating material, journaling, learning a new word – whatever it is, get a routine going.
- Define, set and achieve personal development goals. Enroll in leadership training, read a book on a topic that facilitates your personal growth, enroll in a coaching program, study effective communicators. Strive towards investing into yourself to become your best self.
I want you; yes YOU, to become more! Become better and become more valuable. This is an essential factor to defining your one-of-a-kind legacy and attracting the success you desire. You can make a living but you have the potential to make a life that is so great that it impacts generation after generation to come. Which will you choose?
Always embrace your legacy 🙂
XOXO,
Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy
