by desing | Faith & Purpose, Tools
I was on the fence about what I should focus on for this week’s message as I mentioned to my boyfriend that I wanted to focus on managing emotions and he immediately agreed. His exact words were “Yea, women could use that, you know how y’all are.” I laughed it off but then I realized that he was actually on point with that comment.
As much as we like to put on our superhero capes on and go out into the world to be the best women we can be, we have to face the fact that we as women are indeed emotional creatures and our emotions are part of the exact essence of being a woman. We are, by nature, nurturers, helpers and encouragers. Our determination to become our best in ourselves, our homes and our careers inspires me on a daily basis. However, just as with anything else, there is a flip side to our emotions which can be an impediment to our wholeness, growth, peace of mind and security.
Emotions can be tricky sometimes because they are personal. You are indeed entitled to experience and share your truth in a situation but that does not make it the truth. Just because you “feel a way” does not mean that “that” emotion that you are experiencing is the absolute truth in a particular circumstance. Many of our decisions we make are influenced by how we feel instead of what we know. And every decision you make is a value judgment. Your decisions are a direct reflection of what you value.
We fail when we do not have some sort of lens to identify why we may “feel a way” or have the ability to clearly articulate it and thus allow our emotions to control our behavior. The behavior of which is oftentimes impulsive, irrational, irresponsible and sometimes self-destructive. Part of growing as woman is getting to know who you are and identify your triggers so you can then better deal with your emotions while in the heat of the moment.
Let me share an example.
Let’s say your friend makes a comment that you do not like and it made you feel inferior. Your feelings are hurt and you feel that your friend thinks that she is better than you. However, the real problem may be that you may have some issues with believing that you are worthy and you allow others people opinion of you to define you instead of your own. But instead of thinking of it like that, you think your friend is being judgmental when in fact you’re judging yourself. Your friend could have made the comment harmlessly without any malicious intent. But in your mind, your emotions have led you to think otherwise. See what I mean when I say you cannot always trust your emotions as truth?
Following our emotions can lead us to do things that may not be the best for our well-being. You cannot always do what you feel like doing because you will probably never get it done or you’ll probably do something irrational if you always follow your emotions. Learn to control your emotions. You may not be able to control how you feel but you can always choose how you will reach to those emotions. Manage your emotions; do not let them manage you.
XOXO,
Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy
by desing | Faith & Purpose, Tools
If you could finish this sentence, what would you say? My self-worth is defined by…Over the years I have dug deep to the answer to that question. I thought that I was doing it just for my own sake but then I came to the realization that it’s not only best for me to have a strong self-worth but me having a strong value and awareness of myself would then help me show others how I would want to be treated.
I’ve heard the saying of “you show others how you want to be treated,” however, it really started hitting home over the last few years.
What I recognized in the process of defining my self-worth and respect is the importance of creating boundaries – specifically boundaries in our relationships whether it be family, friends or lovers.
I experienced years and years of low self-worth even though I did not know it back then. I thought the dysfunctional behavior I was exhibiting was normal until the red flags started waving frantically and I became FED UP with making the same old mistakes.
I looked in the mirror and hated what I saw, so instead of mopping about it, I made the conscious effort to change it. And I made it my business to never allow anything to come in between my sanity and my self-worth, I would always put that first before anything else.
I noticed that one of my biggest problems was not putting boundaries on people. I would allow people to come into my life and do as they pleased. “Friends” would say cruel things, men would be disrespectful, controlling and out right selfish. Loved ones would pretend to care about my situation only to gossip and say hurtful things behind my back. But how could I love if I barely knew how to love myself? Life was showing me how I truly felt about myself.
Anybody ever been there before?That’s when I started to deal with people the way they are and not the way I would like them to be. As women, we can feel guilty if we ax people out of our lives or as I like to say “check them” because they are loved ones and we care about them, hoping they they will change. But honey, let me tell you this, when people show you who they are BELIEVE THEM. Do not make excuses for the behavior of others. You may not be able to control how other people act but I tell you that you can control what you allow yourself to deal with in your life.
People need to understand consequences for their actions and they need to respect the boundaries that you set in your life. It can be hurtful because sometimes you have to learn to love people from afar.
I made a promise to myself that I would NEVER allow anything to come in between me, my peace and my worth. We are all on the journey to becoming our best selves and I like who I’ve become.
If there is any chaos, unhealthy relationship or dysfunctional behavior in your life then I want you to identify what is it inside of you that thinks that this type of behavior is acceptable? Our lives are mirror images about how we feel about ourselves on the inside. The more you sow your energy into the chaos, unhealthy relationships or dysfunctional behavior then the more you’ll reap from it.
Challenge yourself to do some Spring cleaning on the inside of you. Determine what you will and will not deal with in your life and set those boundaries on people. Live your life courageously for you and not for others. You are worth having the best in this life and that includes relationships with others. Get rid of the fear that tells you that you are not worth better, you my love are priceless! You were created with intention so it’s time to live with that same intention in your life.
Don’t complain about how others treat you if you are not going to do anything about it. They key to a better life is making better choices.
XOXO,
Maria I. Melendez
@EmbraceHerLegacy
by desing | Faith & Purpose, Tools
You ever been in such a funk that you have no desire whatsoever to deal with anyone else? All you want to do is go into your “cubbyhole”, deal with your issues, turn off your phone and sit there until the storm has passed.
If only life were that simple. Life can throw it’s curve balls that will try us, confuse us and test our strengths. We may look at the lives of others and be misled to believe that “they have it so good.” The storms of life are and always will be tough to deal with it. They’re uncomfortable, exhausting and oftentimes too long. So of course it’s natural to want to separate ourselves from others to the point that we just don’t want to be bothered.
Nevertheless, anything taken to extreme is error. We all have “funky days” where it may be best to be alone but it can become selfish when we are so caught up in our own storms of life that we fail to pay attention to anyone else but ourselves and our own problems. I get it, I’ve been there.
We are all going to deal with storms in our lives and many of us at the same time. However, there is so much power in giving love and being there for others in spite of your circumstances. We may not always be able to control the storms of life but we can control how we choose to react to them.
I never really understood the power of love until a few days ago. I woke up the morning of my birthday, thankful but still in a funk over some circumstances that I’m dealing with. (I love how people think that those of us who are inspirational and positive don’t deal with tough circumstances LOL.) The prayer that morning was simple – “God, things may not be going the way I thought they would, but I know I can count on your love for me. Surround me with your love today.”
That day and the days after, I heard from countless loved ones, hung out with some pretty awesome people, heard an incredible testimony about loving others through our storms and was even surprised by family and friends with a surprise birthday brunch. I knew it was God; I knew He heard me. The love I felt from that day and onward has been like nothing I have ever experienced in my life, I know it’s God for God is love.
So why am I telling you all of this? Because the love I received the past few days has strengthened and revitalized me with a new found focus and outlook on life. Life is more than what we get done, how much money we have or a vacation to an island. It also made me want to spread that love to others; I received the love and now I want to give the love. I refuse to allow “life” to distract me from loving someone else. I say this to tell you that you never know how you “loving on someone” can impact a life. It’s not all about you and your storm (which will eventually pass.) Do something filled with love for someone else in your life in spite of what you may be going through. Take your niece for an afternoon to give her mom a break for the day, cook a warm dinner for a friend, offer to buy the homeless man something to eat, send flowers to your parent just because, give your little cousin that jacket of yours that she likes, call your friends instead of texting, write a handwritten note to your beau – get my drift?
Instead of focus on getting the blessing, have the courage to be the blessing and trust God to use you in ways far beyond what you can imagine. Your circumstance may not change over night, but you are taking back your power by no longer allowing your circumstances to control how you treat others.
Change the prayer from God give me to God use me. The storm you’re in may be a part of God using you to be able to encourage someone else one day by saying “I’ve been there before.” Think about it.
XOXO,
Maria I. Melendez
@EmbraceHerLegacy
by desing | Events, Our Legacy, Tools
My goal was to create an intimate environment where we as women could come together and discuss our goals, visions, purpose and legacies while addressing and overcoming fears or insecurities that hold us back. I wanted to address the power in our stories and how unmasking our truths lead to discovering our purpose, birthing our vision and living our legacies. I would like to report that the mission was accomplished. This intimate discussion event is something that I plan to continue doing so we can get down to work on really living in our legacy and embracing the God-given purpose that we each have. Until next time!
