by desing | Faith & Purpose
Each one of us has a story tell and some of our stories are more heartbreaking than others. Many of us have to endure hardships, abuse, neglect, broken hearts and disappointments. The disappointments of life can have its way of stealing hope for your future.
But that stops today.
Sometimes we can become so enamored with our stories so that others can feel sorry for us or we can continue to feel sorry for ourselves. Better yet we can use those trials we’ve experienced as an excuse for our behavior or lack of desire to change our lives. The only thing that you’re doing when you’re holding onto everything bad that’s happen to you is prolonging everything good that life has to offer you.
I’m not diminishing anything that you’ve experienced but I am telling you to let it go, heal wherever you need to heal and make room for the next, new thing that has been set before you. If you keep looking at what’s behind you, you’re focusing your energy towards your past instead of investing your energy towards your future.
You cannot change what was, but you can control what will be. It’s time to embrace maturity. Maturity has absolutely nothing to do with age but with acceptance of responsibility. Maybe you’ve made some bad decisions that provoked some of the circumstances that you’re in today. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, forgive yourself, figure out where you went wrong and apply that wisdom to your present and future circumstances.
Your life is a sum total of the choices that you make so if you want a better life then you must make better decisions. Many of us are still little girls trapped in women bodies failing to take the necessary measures to grow into the women that we’ve been created to be. Some of the bad things that happened to you may not have been your fault at all but you’re still mad at the person who hurt you which has turned into resentment. When you’re living with resentment in your heart, it is very difficult to not only receive love but also to give it.
Maybe your business failed or you failed out of school and you keep thinking about what went wrong. Instead of driving yourself crazy, let it go and move on towards your destiny. I heard Oprah Winfrey say something spectacular that resonated with me, “Everything that happens in your life is not happening to you but for you.”
Stop being the victim or playing the blame game because you weren’t created to wallow in what was or what could have been. You are a victorious woman who can confidently work towards what is going to be. Make the conscious decision to believe that your story is still being written and God’s not done with you yet!
Focusing on your future is going to require you to believe that the best is yet to come which means you must have faith. Real faith will require you to look like a fool because you’ll have to believe for something that surpasses what you’ve seen before. Don’t let all the negative that’s happen to you steal the promises of your future!
If someone broke your heart, forgive that person and make room for the right person to come along. If one of your parent’s didn’t raise you, forgive and let go of any resentment you may have towards them. If you ruined your credit by being financially irresponsible, forgive yourself, take responsibility and do what you have to in order to restore your finances.
Let go of what was and focus on what could be.
XOXO,
Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy
by desing | Faith & Purpose
If I asked you, “Why do you get up and go to work every day?” Your answer may vary but the most consistent answer may be to provide for yourself and your family which makes sense. I believe everyone wants to go to a job that they love but unfortunately it doesn’t always work out that way. Sometimes your passion and your “9 to 5” have nothing in common. But the fear of failure or financial instability can oftentimes hold you captive to that “9 to 5” which is a feeling I know far too well.
But instead of harping on the fact that your job sucks and you’d really like to be working full-time on your passion, have you ever thought about taking advantage of the hours of the day that you’re not at work to work for you? You may have a “9 to 5” but what does your “5 to 9” life look like?
What I mean by this is – what are you doing after work to benefit your overall success and realize the dreams inside of your heart? How are you taking advantage of the time that you’re not working for someone else?
One of the common questions I get asked is how was I able to transition from employee to entrepreneur. Firstly, I was fully convinced that that’s what I was supposed to do. Second, I was working on Embrace Her Legacy for over a year prior to when I decided to resign from my position. The hours in the music business are far from “9 to 5” so I would take advantage of less busy hours during work and evening hours for conference calls, meetings, develop website content, coordinate events, research business practices and much more. At that time, I didn’t think I would transition full-time into entrepreneur immediately but I was simply going after my purpose with a full-time attitude. I knew that working at a record label wouldn’t be a part of my story much longer.
When I started focusing on my “5 to 9” life, I soon began developing the confidence and ambition to pursue my purpose full-time. Instead of being miserable at my job, I knew that slowly but surely I was reaching towards my destiny.
If you’re not in a position to pursue your passion full-time during this time in your life, then think about what can you start doing part-time? Perhaps you have a goal of becoming a corporate attorney; well maybe you can go back to school and take classes towards your law degree after work hours. Maybe your dream is to become a celebrity make-artist with your own make-up line. Have you ever thought about booking clients for weekend events or taking the time everyday to watch YouTube tutorial videos to enhance your skill set?
Your “5 to 9” life can include a variety of actions steps that you’re taking to accomplish your goals which can include anything from researching and reading on ways to further your knowledge on the latest fashion trends or practicing your skills to make you a better singer/songwriter or meeting with potential clients for your catering business.
Whatever it is, you must make a commitment to yourself because chances are that you’re going to get tired and you’ll want to quit especially if you don’t see immediate results at the beginning. If you allow the disappointment to frustrate you, you’ll be tempted to stay in the comfort of your “9 to 5” even if it’s not fulfilling you. So keep your eyes on the prize!
During this time, you must practice the pain of discipline. Remember that pain of discipline weighs ounces but the pain of regret weighs tons. Some seasons are going to require you to stretch into a new capacity. The beauty about these seasons is that although you may be uncomfortable, you are definitely growing because being uncomfortable is always a sign of growth.
Start thinking of creative ways to use the time that you do have to work part-time on your dream until it’s your full-time reality!
XOXO,
Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy
by desing | Faith & Purpose
A few weeks ago one of my good friends, Dana Blair (who you may know as the host for ESSENCE Live), asked me to me to one of the featured women in her groundbreaking movement, I Have Never Been That Girl.
My feature, which you can watch here, was released earlier this month. I’ve received nothing but overwhelming support for sharing my story. Along with deciding to leave my “dream job” to pursue my purpose, one of the things I discuss in my interview for the very first time is surviving a suicide attempt as a teenager. I wrote about it in my book but this was the first time I ever discussed it openly on such a grand platform. I mentioned the catalyst of my triumph over that time in my life happening when a friend came to visit me in the hospital during my recovery. He told me something that lives in my heart forever, “God has you here for a reason and your life has a purpose.”
Up until that point in my life, no one had ever told me something like that. At that time I really didn’t have the capacity to understand it but although my relationship with God was pretty much non-existent, something inside of me knew that what he was saying was true. After that moment, I realized that I had some sort of purpose and I would do everything in my power to fulfill my assignment in spite of whatever odds I may face.
Too often we look at one another as women and judge each other while thinking that that woman is better than you or has no idea of what you’re going through. We scroll through that news feed and see each other getting engaged, getting married, releasing books, starting businesses, accomplishing goals and we compare our behind-the-scenes to their highlight reels. As a result, we can feel alone, confused and frustrated. I know these feelings all too well.
Those feelings are often coupled with feelings of inadequacy. Lying thoughts tell you that you’re doing something wrong, that you’re not working hard enough and then another set of nagging thoughts discourage you into thinking that your time will never come.
I’m here to tell you the very same thing my friend told me. Your life matters and you have a purpose that has long been predestined for you. All the pains that you experience are not happening to you but for you. You’re being shaped and molded into the woman you need to be to thrive at what you’ve been created to do.
Not every season in your life is going to be your season and you must learn to be fine with that. But the wonderful thing about seasons is that they always change. After winter always comes spring. You’re not doing anything wrong and you’re not alone. You’re right on track and right where you’re supposed to be.
We are all going through something even though some of us conceal it better than others. Never underestimate how your words of encouragement are going to brighten someone else’s day. You would never know some of the hardships I’ve endured over the last year but my faith has been the rock that has kept me smiling during the most critical time of my life.
As women, we share a sisterhood that cannot be broken unless we allow it to be. Let’s stop being so judgmental of one another because you never know what that sister is going through. I’ve learned that when you’re highly critical of others it’s because you’re highly critical of yourself. So give yourself a break.
Stop running around like a chicken with your head cut off trying to make your dream marriage, dream job, dream home, or dream business happen all in your own strength and timing. You’re not going to miss it, you’re not doing anything wrong; it just may not be your season yet. And if the sister next to you is in her season, instead of getting worried or jealous celebrate her with full understanding that you’re right where you’re supposed to be!
XOXO,
Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy
by desing | Faith & Purpose
Happy International Women’s Day to you! This is our day to celebrate what makes us each beautiful, bright, strong, powerful and unstoppable! Being a woman isn’t always easy in a world where our voices can go unheard and we can often get overlooked for opportunities in education and in the workplace. Nevertheless, we’re still thriving, advocating, and kicking butt along the way so this is my personal salute to you lady!
As women, we are naturally nurturers who want to give and often give the very last of ourselves in our careers, education, family, relationships, organizations, or churches. Whatever it is, you name it and we’ll give our 100%. However, is there a place in your life that you’re giving and giving and what you’re getting back isn’t worth what you’re putting in?
Maybe you’ve been giving all of your mind, time, energy and groundbreaking ideas to your job and for the past year you’ve been overlooked for promotions several times and still aren’t making the desired salary even after you’ve asked for a raise twice. Maybe there’s a relationship that you’ve been in for years, one that you’ve given your all to and he’s still isn’t committing to you the way you’re committed to him. Perhaps there’s a friend that you’re always there for but when the tables are turned and you need her, she’s never to be found.
These are all signals that it may be time to stop feeding what isn’t feeding you anymore and create change in your life. Many of us are petrified of change because it requires you to be uncomfortable and go into the land of the unknown but just because something is comfortable for you doesn’t mean that it’s the best option for you. That job may be comfortable but are you growing? Are you using your skills, talents and abilities to the best of its capacity? Is that guy you’re dealing with feeding your spirit, respecting you and making you a better woman while giving his all to you by making you a priority, not an option? Are you so scared to get a new circle of friends that will help you grow into your purpose that you’re willing to stay around a group of females who you’ve outgrown?
I hope not!
Change can be scary, I know. But change is not an event but a process that is followed after a decision. Once you make the decision to stop feeding what isn’t feeding you then you will begin the process of change. There’s a season for everything and your next season of prosperity and blessings can be right after your decision to make a change. Make room for the new that you want to come into your life by deciding to eliminate what’s not working anymore. It may have been good for a season, but that season might be over.
On the flip side, you should always feed what’s feeding you. I actually heard this from Bishop TD Jakes the other day. Your colleague at work may be buying you lunch daily and instead of always taking and taking, try giving something back in return. You may watch motivational videos every day from your favorite speaker or receive weekly messages that have empowered you to grow in purpose and character – well, how about this week you feed them by buying one of their products or donating to their ministry. I watch Bishop TD Jakes almost every day as he’s one of my favorite pastors to learn from but then I realized I’ve never bought any of his books, given to his ministry or even shared one of his videos on social media. Realizing that I wasn’t feeding what was feeding me, I immediately decided to give a donation to his ministry because one thing I do understand is the power of sowing and reaping.
It’s time for us to learn how to give just as much as we take. You will always reap what you sow; and some of us are sowing into the wrong places and wonder why we’re reaping the hot mess we get in return.
Take some time to think if there’s any place in your life that you’re feeding that isn’t feeding you anymore or a place that you’ve been taking from and not giving in return. Decide what changes need to be made and stick with your decision!
XOXO,
Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy
by desing | Faith & Purpose
Do you control life or do you allow your life to control you? You might find yourself reacting to every little thing that happens to you if you don’t exercise this one principal which is the dreaded thing called discipline. You have a choice when it comes to being disciplined, and you either choose the pain of discipline or the pain of regret.
The pain of discipline weighs ounces but the pain of regret weighs tons. You might buy something on your credit card that you know you can’t afford; the instant gratification feels good until you see your credit card statement and now you have to pay back what you bought plus interest. So although you’ve bought those new shoes or you’re going on that European vacation, you’re now pushing yourself further into financial lack.
Or maybe you don’t know how to discipline your emotions so you’ve said something mean and hurtful in an argument with your boyfriend. Once those words come out of your mouth, you can’t take them back and as a result of your lack of discipline in the area of your emotions, you’re now faced with an unnecessary break-up.
I know being disciplined is not fun at first but the rewards that you experience in the end are one thousand times better than the instant gratification you receive by not being disciplined. Who wants to wake up an extra hour earlier to work out? Most people don’t but when you begin to do so and you see the results then your drive to achieve your fitness goal will be intensified.
Discipline is always rewarded. The key to remaining disciplined is consistency and learning to delay your gratification. You have to continuously exercise discipline so that you can become stronger at it. Start by giving yourself realistic goals so that you can grow in confidence. For example, let’s say that you want to pay off 50% of your credit card debt within the next year. One of the first things you can do is not put anything on your credit card that you cannot pay back in full at the end of the month for the next 12 months. Instead of saying that you won’t ever use your credit cards again, you’re exercising discipline to only charge what you can pay back.
Be careful not to get satisfied with incomplete, mediocre results which you’ll be tempted to do when you’ve been consistent for a while and think that you “deserve” a splurge. You might be exercising discipline for a few months and although you haven’t hit your goal, you decide to treat yourself by spending more than you can pay back. You tell yourself that it’s only this one time but it’s only opening the door for you to experience the pain of regret later. Or let’s say you’ve decided to exercise discipline by choosing not to date anyone who doesn’t share the same morals and vision for marriage as you do. You’re doing great for a few months and out of your loneliness, you decide to go back to dating someone that you know you have no business dealing with anymore.
Choose plan A for your life instead of being content with plan B, C, D or even E. What I mean is that you’re in control of experiencing the best that life has to offer you but if you keep making bad decisions, you’re going to experience the pain of plan B and plan C. If what you’re doing right now is jeopardizing your overall success, is it worth it? I don’t think so.
I know you want the best of life and it begins with you.
Take some time over the next few days to determine where you lack discipline in your life. Is it in your finances, emotions, eating habits, time management, or daily routine? Once you determine that, write down your plan to become more disciplined in that area. Maybe you have to eliminate some toxic relationships, put yourself on a budget or start packing your own healthy meals to work – it’s time to grow up and learn to delay your gratification.
I know it’s not easy but even 5-year olds are starting to understand how much more rewarding being disciplined can be! Watch this hilarious video and I promise you that if they can do it, so can you!
XOXO,
Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy
by desing | Faith & Purpose
Did you know that fear is the 2nd most powerful human emotion? I’m so sick of seeing fear hold us back from believing, receiving and seeing the best that life has to offer. Fear is such a liar and loves to come disguised in many ways, in particular, it loves to come disguised as being practical.
Being in bondage to any fear in your life stops today!
There are actually two types of fear. One is external fear which is what we feel when our outside circumstances are threatened – like if you wake up in the middle of the night to hear someone lurking around in your kitchen. Then, there are internal fears which are the imagined fears that play out in your mind. They usually come in form of threats of the future and are presented in our minds as all the negative probabilities that can happen.
After years of working with women, I’ve noticed that common internal fears we face include: fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of pain, and fear of financial distress. These fears love to paint a picture of the worst possible scenarios. Instead of recognizing that these are fear-based thoughts, you fail to respond to your thoughts appropriately and proceed to meditate on the fear while believing it, receiving it and acting out on it.
Don’t feel bad if this is you because most of us have been programmed to think this way. Most of us who are in bondage are usually control-freaks because it’s a form of perceived protection.
Fear attracts negativity into your life because what you focus on, you empower to grow. Faith and fear are essentially the same thing; the only difference is that you believe for the worst in one and the best in the other. It’s the same muscle that you’re using because you have to believe something that you cannot see in this physical, tangible world yet. Instead of choosing to act out of fear, you could have stopped for a moment and chosen faith.
In a world where we like to be instantly gratified, having faith for the best can be such a challenge. Fear and common thinking says, “I won’t believe it until I see it” while faith says, “I believe it so I know I will see it.”
I want you to think about where in your life have you been in bondage to fear? What lies are you listening to in your mind that has held you back from experiencing the life that you deserve? Perhaps you really, really like a new guy that you’re dating but the fear of getting hurt again is holding you back from fully committing. Perhaps you really want to pursue a new career, but the fear of rejection from loved ones is keeping you in bondage to stay in a position that isn’t fulfilling you. Or maybe you want to become an entrepreneur but fear of financial lack and failure has stopped you from trying. If that’s the fear that you’re struggling with, I encourage you to have a “5 to 9” life. You may have a 9 to 5 but what are you doing after work? Are you just going home to watch TV and scroll through social media and wake up tomorrow to do it all over again? Everyone asks me how I transitioned from employed to entrepreneur and one of the ways I was able to do that was because I worked on my business after work and oftentimes during work.
After you’ve identified what fear has been taking control in your mind, I want you to get a journal, write that fear-based thought down and create a faith-filled, replacement thought. Every time that fear thoughts comes to your mind, replace it with that new faith thought. Speak it out loud if you have to. This is no longer about simply thinking positive, this about you learning to exercise the power of controlling your thoughts and fashioning your thoughts to work for you and no longer against you.
Don’t be so hard on yourself either because it takes research shows that it takes 3 cycles of 21 days to break a bad thought habit. You may want to start on transforming one thought at a time so that you can grow in confidence. I told you that the 2nd most powerful human emotion is fear, and I know you’re thinking what’s the 1st one? It’s love! You’re going to have to let the love for your best life to drive the desire to defeat your fears.
You wouldn’t tolerate a liar who always comes to destroy what you’re working on to continue to be in your life would you? So why keep allowing fear to do the same?
You got this!
XOXO,
Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy
