How Do You See Yourself?

by desing | Faith & Purpose

When another woman who is smarter, more attractive and has significantly more money and status than you walks into the room, how do you react? Do you squirm in your seat or do you feel just as confident as you did before she walked into the room?

If your confidence or your security is in being the most educated, most influential or best mom ever, then your self-worth is going to constantly be threatened. Too often we allow the labels of this world to determine how we see ourselves and if what you do or what you have does not meet’s society’s standards of success then you’re deemed inadequate.

That’s a lie from the pit of hell!

Your self-concept is all determined by how you see yourself and how you perceive yourself is determined by how you think of you. If you think that you are not qualified simply because you don’t have the years of education or because you come from the wrong side of the tracks then you have already been defeated in your mind.

So I ask you this question – how you do see yourself?

Too many of us are waiting to achieve a certain level of success in order to feel validated. However, you must think as a champion before you actually become one. Do you believe in your heart that you can be the next CEO of your company? Do you see yourself as capable of fulfilling that role?

Do you see yourself as a woman who can achieve her dreams or are you waiting in the corner for someone to rescue you? It’s time evaluate how you perceive yourself because you are powerful, capable, purpose-driven and able to create a life you desire but you have to believe that about yourself first. Sometimes your success is delayed simply because you don’t have mindset to receive what you desire. Don’t be expected to be blessed with the lifestyle of a millionaire if you have the inferior mindset of a slave.

You can’t be a woman who is threatened by the success of others because there will always be someone who is smarter than you, younger than you, more educated or funnier than you. You have to discover what your identity and self-concept is rooted in. If you think that you were created to simply pay bills and die, then that’s the type of life that you will lead.

You have the right to expect more out of life and that realization comes with discovering who you are and what makes you – you. There’s something spectacular and something extraordinary about you, only you have the gifts and abilities to achieve the purpose that has been predestined over your life. Everything that you have experienced is shaping your outlook on life.

So much power resides inside of you, more power than you can imagine. That power is waiting to be awakened by you. It’s time to start being the powerful woman that you already are. You don’t need to get that promotion, buy that new house, pay off the debt, get married or have a million dollars before you can believe that you’re powerful. Like I said, if your power and your identity is rooted in what you do or have then it’s always going to be threatened and you will never feel permanently secure.

Your circumstances do not define who you are, only you do. My confidence comes from my faith and knowing that only I can do what I was created to do. I used to think that because I wasn’t from the best of neighborhoods and a woman of color that I wasn’t good enough to speak to stadiums of people or achieve the monumental success that I desire but as my self-concept change, my outside circumstances started to change.

I will leave you with this quote from my pastor that resonated with me to change my thinking – “Leaving the ghetto begins in your mind first.”

XOXO,

Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy 

Do You Know How to Love?

by desing | Faith & Purpose

While filming a special interview over the weekend, I was asked a question that blew my mind which was – what has been my greatest lesson on love? Immediately, I answered that love is not selfish, nor is it prideful and it desires to give instead of always trying to get.

It took me years to learn this because as most women in the realm of dating, I thought I was a great catch because I have all my stuff together on paper. I thought that because I’m educated with a great career, success-driven, kind and can cook a “finger-licking-good” meal that that’s all I needed to be a good woman but just because you’re successful in your career and you have the domestic capabilities that a man would love does mean that you have the capacity to love that man the way that he’s supposed to be loved.

First, your capacity to love anyone else begins in your capacity to love yourself. What you allow in your life is a direct representation of how you feel about yourself because you will attract who you are, not who you pretend to be. The best way to measure the love that you have for yourself is to analyze the thoughts that you have about yourself and how you speak about yourself. If you’re always condemning yourself, focusing on the negative or love talking about your shortcomings and love to put yourself down then it’s time to get it together!

The quality of the relationship that you have with yourself is going to determine the quality of your relationship with others. Not feeling worthy enough or speaking words of defeat begin in your thoughts. If this is something that you’re struggling with then change your thought life now. In order to change the quality of your life, you must change the quality of your thinking. For every negative thought that you have of yourself, cancel that thought out by replacing it with two positive thoughts. So instead of thinking, “I don’t like my legs” – replace that with “I may not love my legs but I do love my hair, my smile, and my unique sense of style.”

Also, if you discover that you don’t like something about yourself then do something about it to change instead of complaining about it. If you don’t like parts of your body, set some fitness and health goals and create your plans to achieve them. If you don’t like the way certain “friends” make you feel, then cut them off. If you don’t like your job, then set up a game plan to get out of there within the next 3-6 months.

Love ain’t always about you either! We always focus on what we can get out of a relationship or what someone else is willing to give us, but real love desires to give at the expense of oneself. Lust desires to get at the expense of others. So while you may not have an issue with loving yourself, you may have an issue with being selfish and self-absorbed. That type of attitude is usually rooted in pride and a prideful attitude has no room to co-exist with real love. Real love puts your selfishness aside and forgives, real love picks up the phone to call someone first in the midst of dissonance, real love is not so easily offended.

Am I preaching to yet? I don’t mean to LOL!

We can focus so much on what we accomplish in our careers and education that we forget to go to work on our inner being. I had to face some ugly parts of my character that I met face-to-face which were unveiled in my relationship. People deserve to receive the best of your love and that can only happen when you make the conscious decision to grow in your character and focus on what you’re giving instead of what you’re getting.

One of your greatest attributes that will define your growth as a woman is going to be your capacity to love yourself and the quality of how you love others. Put childish things behind you and walk in love!

XOXO,

Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy

Why You’re Not Making a Fortune

by desing | Faith & Purpose

If your job told you that you had to come in 3 hours earlier for the next month because of an extra workload from a new international client, what would you do? Most of us may complain about it at first only to end up doing as we’re told because all of us want to “do a good job.”

Performing well at your job is “supposed” to bring financial security. But sometimes you can work harder and harder at your job and it seems like you’re still not progressing at the pace you expected. You still have the same bills, you’re still in the same income bracket and you still aren’t the millionaire that you’d thought you’d be by now.

Here’s why: “If you work hard on your job, you’ll make a living but if you work hard on yourself, you can make a fortune” – Jim Rohn.

2016 is where the “getting by” lifestyle stops. Your capacity to make more money and experience the prosperity that you desire doesn’t lie in working harder at your job, it’s about working harder on yourself. We’re taught that if we excel in school then we’ll be able to secure a job that will promise us a “happy life” but that’s not the truth. In order for your environment to change, you have to change. In order for you to be successful, you have to become successful within yourself because private practice determines public performance.

When you start to work hard on yourself, you’re increasing your value to the marketplace. Most people graduate from college and think that the learning is over for life. Be someone who is committed to become better every day that you have on this earth. Successful people have successful habits and how successful you’ll become is indicated in your daily routine. This concept of working on yourself is called personal development and there are things you can begin changing now to see the change in your world.

One of those things include having goals that are written down which you review daily.  

Instead of just having some goals in your mind, do better for yourself and write your goals down with deadlines. Make sure that they are specific, measurable, action-oriented and realistic. No longer accept mediocrity in your goal-setting by not being specific because “making more money” or “get in shape” is not a specific goal. You should be able to measure each of your goals. I encourage you to write down your top 10 goals for the next 12 months. Instead of writing down the list and never looking at them again, take time each day to read over your list of goals out loud.  Instead of “make more money”, you should declare -“I’m making my desired income of $70,000 in 2016.” A study showed that only 3% of the population had goals written down which they reviewed daily – all of these people were millionaires.

Another daily habit that you can start to incorporate in your schedule is to wake up early! Take some time in the morning to work on your personal development by perhaps working out before you get your day started or spend some time in prayer. You can use that time to work on your personal goals if you feel that “you don’t have time in the day” – this is a perfect opportunity to make time. If your job asked you to come in earlier, you would. Therefore, wake-up earlier for your success, not your jobs. You can listen to faith-building messages, pack a healthy lunch, work on writing your new book or watch a personal development video series.

Instead of spending your lunch break scrolling through social media, try to read a book that’s going to help you grow in personal development. Did you know that 88% of wealthy people read 30 minutes or more each day?

Average people do average things and live average lifestyles. Success is a lifestyle which includes small daily successes that are followed by large successes so it’s time to switch your habits!

My daily personal development routine includes exercise, prayer, reading a personal development book, reading out my goals out load every morning, speaking out positive and faith-based declarations over my life, listening to messages that will build my faith muscles and I’ve recently included radically decreasing the amount of time I spend on social media. I use that time to meditate and it’s made such a difference for me! I think clearly, I’m focused and I have opportunities coming my way like never before.

So stop going so hard for your job and start going hard for you and embrace the change!

XOXO,

Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy

Release the Baggage of Worrying

by desing | Faith & Purpose

I’m sure that you’ve probably heard of the saying, “Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but gets you nowhere.” It can be a challenge not to worry about your finances, your job, your future, your family or achieving your goals because you may think that if you’re not worried about it then that means that you don’t care. That’s not true.

As you mature as a woman, especially if you’re a woman who walks in faith, you’re going to realize that there are certain things in this life that you can’t control. Most people who are “control freaks” are usually people who struggle with fear. If you fear not seeing your desired circumstances, you’re going to try everything in your power to have everything work out in your favor. You may try to control your boyfriend, children, co-workers, friends or siblings and although you may have good intentions – that’s not the way to go about seeing the change that you want to see.

You can’t control other people, even though you may love them dearly. You can’t control whether or not you’ll get laid off from your job, you can’t control if it’s going to rain next week, and you can’t control traffic on your way to work. You can’t control when you’re going to get married, you can’t control whether or not you’ll get that new job or when all your life-long dreams will happen.

Trying to control everything around you brings worry because you end up thinking about it over and over again. You start to think of new ways to get your desired outcome when you want it, you’re up at night thinking about it and you keep working harder and harder trying to get that promotion, secure that book deal, get more clients for your business or make your husband change his stubborn ways.

Have you ever noticed that the harder you try at something the worse it may get? And the moment you stop worrying about, is the moment you get what you wanted? Here’s is the secret to that: once you release all those worries that you have and replace them with a confident trust in God, you allow Him to come in and work on your behalf.

I don’t know about you but I’d rather have the creator of the universe and His power do the impossible on my behalf instead of my trying to figure it out all of the time. When I release my faith in God, it brings such a peace that allows me to think clearly and to enjoy my life. You don’t have to have all things going perfectly in your life to enjoy it. God doesn’t want you to worry because you’re His child. Would you want to see your child worrying about something that you knew you had the power to change?

I’m not telling you to lose hope or to let go of your faith or to stop working diligently for what you want because that would be silly! I’m telling you to stop worrying about it. There are several things that I’m believing God to do and restore in my life right now and I noticed that I had a worrying problem so trust me when I say that I know how it feels to worry and it doesn’t feel good.

Something inside of you has to become more powerful than your worrying; for me its faith and trust in God. Sometimes you’ll have to actively go after your peace by speaking out positive declarations or a promise of God every time a thought of worry comes or taking your mind off your problems by helping someone else or doing something nice for yourself.

I believe with every fiber of my being that if you’ve been dealing with an issue (maybe in your family, finances, career or relationships) that God is about to restore your situation seven times better than you were before. That’s the beauty of God! If you lost your job, you’re going to get a better one making more money. If you went through a bad breakup, you’re about to meet the man of your dreams. If your family has been experiencing tension, relationships are going to be miraculously restored. If your business is struggling, you’re going to see an accelerated increase in clients.

The latter days in your life will be better than your former days so make a commitment not to worry and give each and every one of your cares to God because He cares for you. He didn’t bring the pain into your life but He’ll surely use it to work out for your good in the end.

You may not know what the future holds but you know Who holds it. No more worries!

XOXO,

Maria I. Melendez|
@embraceherlegacy