by desing | Faith & Purpose
Over the weekend I had the honor of hosting our 3rd Annual Day of the Girl Summit! It’s such a fulfillment to live in purpose and to be able to influence the minds of young women who may struggle with confidence.
Many of the ladies that I work with are brilliant, Ivy League bound girls but who all find themselves struggling to believe in themselves or struggle to understand the power in their voice. I see myself in all the girls because I know far too well what it feels like to believe that you’re just not good enough.
The great thing about them is that they’re learning the tools needed to overcome low confidence and embrace a high self worth at young age, whereas most of us don’t really learn those vital lessons on self-worth until later on in our lives.
It was in my mid-twenties where I started to recognize that I had unresolved issues rooted in low self-worth. Instead of continuing to wear my mask, I did some digging in order to find out why I never felt good enough. I was tired of masking it with a good job, my education and my financial status because none of that left me permanently secure.
What I had to do was find out where my mice were coming from. Let me explain.
When you have low self-worth the key to resolving it once and for all is to find out where your mice are coming from. If you have ever had mice then you know that what we tend to do is set down mice traps or rat poisoning to capture and kill the mice. However, those tactics are only temporary because the mice always find a way to come back into the home and it’s never just one mouse, they always find a way back in. The key to getting completely rid of the mice is to find out where they are coming from and deal with it or else Mickey, Minnie and friends will make your humble abode their new home.
Same idea with low self-worth. If you do not deal with your low-self worth from the root and find out where the problem is stemming from then you’re only trapping the mice, you’re not preventing them from coming in. When you put on the mask as if you got it all together, you’re just covering up the dead mice in your home and eventually those mice will leave a stench.
Low self-worth breeds insecurity and is often rooted in fear. It can be the fear of rejection, the fear of being alone, the fear of failure, the fear of success, the fear of being misunderstood or other internal fears that are those imagined fears that play out in our minds. I need you to identify your fears and replace that fear with love. The love of all of you.
When I got rid of my mice, I realized that my low self-worth was rooted in the fear of rejection and the need of approval. My worth was based on the opinions others had of me because I didn’t have the best opinion of myself. Once I discovered that, I was able to effectively deal with my low self-worth and transform into a woman of high self-worth.
No one else’s opinion of you should change your opinion of yourself. It took me a while to get there and I still experience challenges just like you do but now I can do something about it and deal with my mice from the entrance.
I have God’s approval no matter what I do and so do you. Once I began to embrace His eternal love for me, I was able to embrace the love for myself. It has been a journey but I want you to know that you too can take back the power that any low self-worth has had over you.
Find out where your mice are coming from and deal with it. You were fearfully and wonderfully made and it’s time to take off any mask, accept responsibility for where you are and become the woman you have been called to be!
XOXO,
Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy
by desing | Faith & Purpose
If you could replay your thoughts for the last 24 hours on a television screen, what would you see? I would easily be able to tell if you were on the right track because the quality of your thinking determines the quality of your life.
I’ve emphasized taking control over your thoughts several times before but it’s not something that you do one time and you’re “fixed.” Renewing the way you think is a daily practice. Changing the way you think is not an event but a process.
Our thoughts are easily influenced by our circumstances, what we see happening around us and the opinions of others. What you may feel is “keeping it real” is nothing more than an ingrained, conditioned way of thinking that has been set-up to keep you from thriving in your purpose.
The only way that you are going to successfully achieve your dreams is by becoming exceptional in your thinking and attitude. Being exceptional means to do something extraordinarily well, therefore, it’s time to evict any thoughts that are less than exceptional from occupying space in your mind.
Your moods and your attitudes are directly influenced by your thoughts. Your thoughts dictate your words, your words dictate your actions and your actions dictate your destiny. When you begin to become exceptional in your thinking then you will begin to see your destiny unveil itself. Even if things don’t change overnight, your exceptional attitude will give you a fresh perspective over your current condition because all storms will eventually come to an end.
When you’re exceptional in your thinking you don’t think according to what may have happened to someone else. The key word in exceptional is “except.” So when you become exceptional in your thinking, you think in terms of being the exception to the rule. When you are thinking like that, you are thinking the way God intended you to think. You are thinking with faith not fear. If cancer runs in your family or if everyone around you is living in poverty, an exceptional thinker thinks, “Although it happened to all of them, it will not happen to me.” If you’re surrounded by co-workers who only see their current job as the end all, be all of success – an exceptional thinker thinks “I will not stay in this pit because I know I was created to thrive not just exist.”
You’ve got to get your thoughts to work for you instead of you being a slave to them. You own them, they don’t own you! Stop allowing your emotions to control you and become an exceptional thinker.
Exceptional thinkers are not easily swayed by what they see. An exceptional thinker understands that no matter what you see, your circumstances can change in one moment. An exceptional thinker knows that God is always working on your behalf and even when things may not work out the way you hoped, you know for a fact that all things are working together for your good.
An exceptional thinker doesn’t think the answer to your prayer is years away but believes that God not only hears your cry but will give you more than you could ever ask for or imagine.
An exceptional woman understands that if you are around ordinary thinkers for too long, your “exceptionalism” will soon clash with their ordinary thinking. When you begin to experience that, understand that you’re not better than anyone else but you’re exceptional in your thinking and they haven’t gotten there yet. Try to encourage others to master their mindset but if they choose not to then it’s not your job to change that.
Ordinary thinking produces ordinary results, exceptional thinking produces exceptional results. Be exceptional!
XOXO,
Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy
by desing | Faith & Purpose
I hate “No!”I will try to turn any “No” into a ”Yes” but oftentimes there’s nothing else I can do but accept the “No” and move forward.
When we start our journey of success, we can be deceived into believing that we’ll hit our pinnacle mark of achievements overnight. You expect doors to fly open for you because you’re…you. But sooner or later you’ll realize that that’s far from the truth.
I hear No’s on a daily basis and at first that used to bother me but now I’m grateful for my entire suitcase of No’s because I have learned to persevere. Every setback I’ve experienced is only making my story sweeter.
No’s, rejection and closed doors are a part of the process of success. When you experience those setbacks, you have a choice to either keep going or to concede. If you’ve been experiencing setback after setback then I want you to fight back; you have to keep going!
This year I’ve experienced a few setbacks and instead of crying for days, I only cried for a few hours and then decided to change my strategy of how to accomplish my goal. (I’m a crier so that was huge for me!)
I identified the resources and relationships I had to help me, I pursued them each and I created my new strategy. I did not change my goal; I just changed my strategy to get there. Now, I’m thankful that my original plan failed because my new strategy strengthened my business plans AND the new strategy is working!
Sometimes we hear “No” after “No” so that we can grow in character to ultimately achieve our destined purpose in life. If you got everything you wanted, when you wanted then how do you expect to grow?
Every time you hear a “No,” then throw that “No” into your perseverance file and instead of crying about it, be thankful for it because in some way it’s either helping you become who you have been called to be or protecting you from something that you think you want but isn’t best for you.
Take it the next step further and think of new strategies to help you achieve whatever it is that you are trying to do. Ask yourself if there is another way to get what you want. Is there someone else that you can speak to? Is there someone who has done what you are trying to do that you can reach out to? Have you tried to simply “Google It” for more information that may help you?
Your “No’s” are making you a better business woman and career woman but they are making you an overall better woman. Instead of focusing on what you are going to get when you accomplish your mission, start focusing on who you are becoming on your journey. You are enough just the way you are. I don’t care if you’re struggling to get that job you want, hoping for that new contract to save your business or trying to get 1 million Instagram followers, you are enough just as you are right at this moment!
After hearing what seems to feel like a thousand “No’s” then it’s only a matter of time before the right “Yes” comes along. I promise you that your “No’s” are making you and your story better. People who have persevered through challenge after challenge are the ones who appeal to the masses because all of us experience setbacks in life. You are being set up to inspire and impact the lives of others! Isn’t that the essence of a woman who embraces her legacy?
I believe so! So put away your tears, put on your lipstick, hold onto your faith and march forward with new wisdom because no weapon in hell can stop what God has blessed!
XOXO,
Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy
by desing | Faith & Purpose
As much as you may have your moments where you want to do it all by yourself, you have to realize that thinking like that is one of the biggest setbacks in creating the ideal life you desire.
The “I can be bad all by myself” attitude has got to go now! That sort of mentality is often rooted in pride and pride will choke the harvest of love, prosperity, success and wealth to manifest in your life. You were not created to do everything in your own strength, you were created to thrive and one of the best ways that you’ll achieve your destiny is to know your blind spots.
What I mean by “knowing your blind spots” is to acknowledge your weaknesses. On your journey of pursuing your dreams and embracing your purpose-driven life, you must know what your weaknesses are not only personally but professionally so that you can take precautionary measures so that you always come out on top.
If you know that there’s a co-worker that gets on your last nerves then that’s a blind spot that you have to be aware of. So instead of getting frustrated with her, acknowledge that you need help to deal with her effectively in order for you to thrive in your new role as product manager. When you wake up in the morning instead of dreading to talk to her, ask God to help you in advance to deal with her and help you see her the way that He does.
Perhaps you keep dating the same kind of guy over and over again and it gets you nowhere. You might be missing some essential warning signs on those first few dates but for some reason, they keep passing you by. Well, that my dear is a blind spot. Ask for wisdom and discernment before you start dating again and admit that you need help – once again ask God to help you.
Understand that you’re not alone in this life and you DO NOT have to be bad all by yourself. You have an eternal helper who lives inside of you but you have to first be willing to admit that you need that help. Once again, pride will choke you into destruction because you will be deceived into thinking that you don’t need any help because “you got this.”
Yes there are certain circumstances that you will have to go at it alone but even then God is still with you! You are never ever alone; find your joy in that!
Ask for help where you need it. Know what is not your strong suit and pursue better. This is very crucial for my fellow entrepreneurs and those of you who aspire to become entrepreneurs. If you have a business and social media marketing is not your thing, don’t drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out on your own. What you can do is find someone or a trusting resource to help you.
I will pray for everything and anything because I know that it’s God’s joy to give me my heart’s desires. Once I began to change my thinking about who He is, I started to see a difference in my life. We can easily be fooled to believe that God doesn’t care about our day-to-day lives but that is so far from the truth! He wants to help you and sometimes He’ll do it just between you and Him and oftentimes He’ll send people into your life to help you.
So what are your blind spots? What do you currently need help with but your pride will not allow you to ask for it? It can even be something like forgiveness. You know you need to ask for forgiveness from someone but your pride is stopping you. Admit it and ask.
You cannot be “bad all by yourself” anymore, it’s time to grow. Don’t be afraid to ask for help where you need it. It may not always be easy but it will for sure be worth it.
XOXO,
Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy
by desing | Faith & Purpose
“Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking and you will find. Keep on knocking and the will be opened to you.” (Matthew 7:7)
There’s a point in everyone’s journey of achieving a goal where you may feel stuck! You want to shift careers from one industry to another so you’ve sent your resume to dozens of jobs postings and you’ve heard nothing. You’ve been trying to pitch your book idea to publishers and you keep getting rejected. You’ve tried to save money for your new business venture and you end up tapping into those funds every week. Or you’ve been praying for healing, a mended relationship or a financial breakthrough and it seems like God is silent.
It’s in those moments where we must embrace the power of persistence! As women, we tend to be naturally more timid and less aggressive than men. A man can see a job posting where he only has two of the 10 qualifications listed and he’ll still apply. A woman can have 7 of the 10 qualifications listed, feel inadequate and choose to forego her application.
Just because you’re meeting opposition or things may not be going the way you anticipated does not mean that you aren’t right where you’re supposed to be. Every person who has achieved their dreams can give you story after story of the hurdles they had to overcome before realizing their desired outcome.
You cannot sit back and wait for opportunities to fall at your feet, sometimes you will have to go after them in full force. Just because you hear a “no” does not mean that you stop there. You have to be persistent! When I pitched my book to my publisher, they originally declined. However, I asked if they would give me an opportunity to get on the phone with them and discuss. They agreed and the rest is history. If I wasn’t persistent, I would have never received my publishing contract.
So you’ve sent your resumes to those jobs and you’ve heard nothing. Have you tried to send a follow-up email? And even if you didn’t get the job, shake it off and move on to the next potential job. If you’ve tried to save money for your new business but can’t, tell yourself that this week you are going to take at least $25 out of your check first to put aside in your savings account. Or better yet, track your spending habits and come up with ways that you can cut back.
You’ve been praying for that particular prayer and nothing yet? Well God himself tells us to keep on asking. So be persistent in your prayers with Him and trust Him to give you what you need to carry you through until He answers.
Being persistent means to stand firm in a course of action in spite of difficulty or opposition. Maybe you have to change your strategy instead of simply giving up. Maybe you’ve been emailing schools to promote your after-school program, well how about picking up the phone and calling the schools? You’re not getting orders for your catering business but your only focus has been social media marketing, perhaps you should try becoming a food vendor at an upcoming festival to increase your brand’s visibility.
If you don’t embrace the power of persistence, someone else will. There’s a difference between being persistent and being overly aggressive to the point that it’s unattractive. Start getting creative and think of new ways you can accomplish your goals. If you’ve allowed discouragement or a few setbacks to stop you, I want you to get back up and be committed to your dream!
We live in a microwave society where we want everything to be handed to us or we want greatness overnight. You have to work at what it is that you desire and I believe that if we always got exactly what we wanted when we wanted then we would never grow. Or even worse, we might ruin an opportunity because talent catapulted us to a place where our character couldn’t sustain us.
Keep asking, keep believing and keep going!
And if you want some help in creating ideas to help you achieve your goals, I’m available to work 1-on-1 with you in a Strategic Goal-Setting Session or you can download last month’s teaching on Mastering Your Goal & Manifesting Your Vision here. If you have any questions about either, let me know!
Continue to shine brightly!
XOXO,
Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy
by desing | Faith & Purpose
You ever had a time in your life when it seems like if it’s not one thing it’s another? Or you have that one day or week where all hell seems to be breaking loose?
First your car breaks down, then you break the heel on your favorite shoe, your student loan auto-payments caused your bank account to overdraft, your phone gets cut off, you’ve got family drama going on, your co-worker just got the promotion that you’ve worked your butt off to get AND she decides to flaunt it in your face!
It’s in those moments where you can feel like God has forgotten about you; however, you need to realize that those “all hell is breaking loose” moments are normally an indicator that something big is coming.
It’s no coincidence that you have everything coming against you right before your answered prayer is manifested because there’s an enemy who wants you to take your focus off of what you’re hoping for and onto temporary circumstances which have been strategically placed to distract you. Not only are those circumstances there to distract you, but the intent of that adversary is to get you to lose hope.
Once you lose hope (which is an expectancy of a certain thing to happen), then you can be easily deterred from fulfilling the dreams of your life.
The most common indicator that something big is coming is when people close to you are coming up against you or your dreams. Oftentimes, those people will be the ones who are closest to you because only the opinion of those who you care about will have the most impact on you. It’s difficult to believe for God’s goodness when you have strife and discord in your life. Someone may be spreading rumors about you, someone may have lied on your name, a co-worker may have thrown you under the bus, someone may have hurt you, someone may have stolen from you, a loved one may have disappointed you; whatever it is, I want you to know that these are all attempts to get you off your game.
If you put your energy into fighting with someone, or trying to clear your name or trying to prove your point, then that’s energy that you’re wasting which should be focused on the pursuit of your goals. Don’t fall into the deception of trying to vindicate yourself, trust that God will do that for you. Don’t allow any person or circumstance to steal your hope or distract you from what you know is already yours and it on it’s way.
When Eve was deceived in the Garden of Eden, she was deceived by a serpent but it was not the serpent that deceived her. It was the voice behind the serpent, who really was the enemy. I know you’re probably like, “Really, Maria? Are you talking about the devil?”
Yes, I am! Too many of us think that he isn’t real or that he’s someone in red suit who comes out on Halloween. He’s very real, he hates you and his sole purpose is to steal, kill and destroy all that you have. You have to know who your real opponent is. It’s not your circumstance, it’s not the person who’s coming against you, it’s him.
Once you know who your opponent is, then you can discern his ways. Once of his greatest tactics is distraction because it leads to deception and he is the father of all lies. He also loves to bring strife, disagreements, friction and discord between people. Stand firm in your faith and refuse to allow anyone to shift your focus. You’re strong, you’re powerful and you WILL receive all that has been promised to you.
Take back the authority over your life. If all hell is coming against you then be glad because I am certain that something BIG is coming! Don’t be distracted and don’t let anything take your eyes of off your prize. Don’t be so easily offended, quickly forgive those who try to offend you, let it go and get ready to receive all that you’ve hoped for!
XOXO,
Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy
