You Show People How You Want to be Treated

by | Faith & Purpose, Tools

If you could finish this sentence, what would you say? My self-worth is defined by…Over the years I have dug deep to the answer to that question. I thought that I was doing it just for my own sake but then I came to the realization that it’s not only best for me to have a strong self-worth but me having a strong value and awareness of myself would then help me show others how I would want to be treated.

I’ve heard the saying of “you show others how you want to be treated,” however, it really started hitting home over the last few years.

What I recognized in the process of defining my self-worth and respect is the importance of creating boundaries – specifically boundaries in our relationships whether it be family, friends or lovers.

I experienced years and years of low self-worth even though I did not know it back then. I thought the dysfunctional behavior I was exhibiting was normal until the red flags started waving frantically and I became FED UP with making the same old mistakes.

I looked in the mirror and hated what I saw, so instead of mopping about it, I made the conscious effort to change it. And I made it my business to never allow anything to come in between my sanity and my self-worth, I would always put that first before anything else.

I noticed that one of my biggest problems was not putting boundaries on people. I would allow people to come into my life and do as they pleased. “Friends” would say cruel things, men would be disrespectful, controlling and out right selfish. Loved ones would pretend to care about my situation only to gossip and say hurtful things behind my back. But how could I love if I barely knew how to love myself? Life was showing me how I truly felt about myself.

Anybody ever been there before?That’s when I started to deal with people the way they are and not the way I would like them to be. As women, we can feel guilty if we ax people out of our lives or as I like to say “check them” because they are loved ones and we care about them, hoping they they will change. But honey, let me tell you this, when people show you who they are BELIEVE THEM. Do not make excuses for the behavior of others. You may not be able to control how other people act but I tell you that you can control what you allow yourself to deal with in your life.

People need to understand consequences for their actions and they need to respect the boundaries that you set in your life. It can be hurtful because sometimes you have to learn to love people from afar.

I made a promise to myself that I would NEVER allow anything to come in between me, my peace and my worth. We are all on the journey to becoming our best selves and I like who I’ve become.

If there is any chaos, unhealthy relationship or dysfunctional behavior in your life then I want you to identify what is it inside of you that thinks that this type of behavior is acceptable? Our lives are mirror images about how we feel about ourselves on the inside. The more you sow your energy into the chaos, unhealthy relationships or dysfunctional behavior then the more you’ll reap from it.

Challenge yourself to do some Spring cleaning on the inside of you. Determine what you will and will not deal with in your life and set those boundaries on people. Live your life courageously for you and not for others. You are worth having the best in this life and that includes relationships with others. Get rid of the fear that tells you that you are not worth better, you my love are priceless! You were created with intention so it’s time to live with that same intention in your life.

Don’t complain about how others treat you if you are not going to do anything about it. They key to a better life is making better choices.

XOXO,

Maria I. Melendez
@EmbraceHerLegacy

The Power of Loving Through a Storm

by | Faith & Purpose, Tools

You ever been in such a funk that you have no desire whatsoever to deal with anyone else? All you want to do is go into your “cubbyhole”, deal with your issues, turn off your phone and sit there until the storm has passed.
If only life were that simple. Life can throw it’s curve balls that will try us, confuse us and test our strengths. We may look at the lives of others and be misled to believe that “they have it so good.” The storms of life are and always will be tough to deal with it. They’re uncomfortable, exhausting and oftentimes too long. So of course it’s natural to want to separate ourselves from others to the point that we just don’t want to be bothered.
Nevertheless, anything taken to extreme is error. We all have “funky days” where it may be best to be alone but it can become selfish when we are so caught up in our own storms of life that we fail to pay attention to anyone else but ourselves and our own problems. I get it, I’ve been there.

We are all going to deal with storms in our lives and many of us at the same time. However, there is so much power in giving love and being there for others in spite of your circumstances. We may not always be able to control the storms of life but we can control how we choose to react to them.

I never really understood the power of love until a few days ago. I woke up the morning of my birthday, thankful but still in a funk over some circumstances that I’m dealing with. (I love how people think that those of us who are inspirational and positive don’t deal with tough circumstances LOL.) The prayer that morning was simple – “God, things may not be going the way I thought they would, but I know I can count on your love for me. Surround me with your love today.”

That day and the days after, I heard from countless loved ones, hung out with some pretty awesome people, heard an incredible testimony about loving others through our storms and was even surprised by family and friends with a surprise birthday brunch. I knew it was God; I knew He heard me. The love I felt from that day and onward has been like nothing I have ever experienced in my life, I know it’s God for God is love.

So why am I telling you all of this? Because the love I received the past few days has strengthened and revitalized me with a new found focus and outlook on life. Life is more than what we get done, how much money we have or a vacation to an island. It also made me want to spread that love to others; I received the love and now I want to give the love. I refuse to allow “life” to distract me from loving someone else. I say this to tell you that you never know how you “loving on someone” can impact a life. It’s not all about you and your storm (which will eventually pass.) Do something filled with love for someone else in your life in spite of what you may be going through. Take your niece for an afternoon to give her mom a break for the day, cook a warm dinner for a friend, offer to buy the homeless man something to eat, send flowers to your parent just because, give your little cousin that jacket of yours that she likes, call your friends instead of texting, write a handwritten note to your beau – get my drift?

Instead of focus on getting the blessing, have the courage to be the blessing and trust God to use you in ways far beyond what you can imagine. Your circumstance may not change over night, but you are taking back your power by no longer allowing your circumstances to control how you treat others.

Change the prayer from God give me to God use me. The storm you’re in may be a part of God using you to be able to encourage someone else one day by saying “I’ve been there before.” Think about it.

XOXO,

Maria I. Melendez
@EmbraceHerLegacy

Is Women Empowerment For Real?

by | Faith & Purpose, Tools

The other day I had the opportunity to speak with teens at an event for Women’s History Month and I jokingly said that there are plenty of women who profess to be about women empowerment but who really may not be. I joked, but I meant every bit of what I said and here is why.On my journey of learning to overcome my challenges to inspire and motivate women and girls to live in purpose and define their legacy, I have met countless beautiful, empowered, smart and successful women. Nevertheless, I have also met women who have professed to the tee that they were all for women empowerment and later I would disappointingly find out that it was a facade. What would concern me the most is that some of these women were prominent leaders in this industry of women empowerment. I come from a world of the music business where I was used to swimming with sharks but once again I was surprised at how women had become so great at portraying to be one thing and in actuality being another; especially in this world of empowerment.

I noticed a common trend and that’s actually part of what fueled me to produce “The UnMasked Effect” because I noticed that there were women who made “truth” a part of their appearance and not necessarily a part of their lifestyle.

I am going to be brutally honest here. We have A LOT further to go in really empowering one another as women. We have to stop calling each other all these mean and hateful names, we have to stop competing with one another, we have to stop selling ourselves short to have a perceived level of success and we have to stop pretending that we are about the solidarity of women when deep inside there is jealousy, envy and selfish ambition. We say that we’re really looking to empower each other but in actuality plenty of times we may be looking to get ahead or be a part of a “cool” movement.

The degradation of women starts at such an early age. Boys are praised for having a girlfriend, while little girls easily get the labels “easy” and “fast.”  We have to show our girls from young that they are more than the clothes they wear or the cars they drive at 16. When our girls get into a scuffle with another girl at school, one of the first reasons to blame is jealousy which in turn develops this notion that “girls are jealous and I’m better than her so that’s why she doesn’t like me.” This ends up being the mentality that we grow with. I know we have to teach our girls how to look out after themselves but is it really helping long-term success?

We have to show our girls that they are more than the boys that like them. Say what you may boys and men play a vital role on our self-esteem if we allow our worth to be defined in how others view us.

We have to stop implementing our own fears and insecurities on our girls because they pay more attention to what we do rather than what we say. We have to know that we are enough just as we are. You ARE enough. It doesn’t matter what education you have, where you work, what shoes you have on, how much money you have, how many followers you have on social media…you my dear are ENOUGH.

If more of us realized that, then we we would really start to be able to empower ourselves and each other as women.

Ratings for reality TV where women are constantly beating on each other’s self-images are through the roof but positive images fail to even make the cut. I go to conference after conference, event after event and we talk all the time about how men differ from women but when is someone going to say what about what women do to each other? It’s an ugly truth that we have to deal with and we have to start doing something about it.

Women empowerment  is more than an award show, a luncheon or a social network. Women empowerment is a lifestyle, it says no to the cattiness, jealousy, competition and low self-esteem. It says hello to encouragement, love, beauty, community, support, authenticity, transparency, and wholeness.

I’m in no way beating us up as women, I’m saying enough is enough already. It’s time we authentically do better and embrace each other’s legacy.  

XOXO,
Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy