by desing | Faith & Purpose
It’s a classic sitcom scenario that too many people can relate to—the idea that the longer you’re in a relationship, the less exciting and more mundane it becomes. The “honeymoon” phase dies off. You start to take each other for granted. All those fuzzy feelings and special little moments disappear into a blur of errands and work and ho-hum stress.
But they don’t have to. Here are just a few of the many ways you can keep your love alive and well, no matter how long you’ve been in your relationship:
Say “thank you.”
You may make a point of saying “I love you” when you leave for work every morning, but often do you thank your partner—especially for the things they do on a regular basis? Sure, maybe your husband cuts the lawn every Sunday morning. But how nice would it be for him to be sincerely thanked for it? How would you feel to hear him vocalize how much he appreciates you driving the kids to school every morning?
The routine is only routine if we take it for granted. Make a point of realizing everything your partner does for you, and let them know how much it means to you, and suddenly the simplest of daily chores becomes an expression of love.
Compliment
We accept it as a given that our partner finds us attractive, thinks we’re smart, likes our jokes. That’s why they’re with us. But it’s still nice to be told these things every now and then. A simple compliment, unsolicited and with no ulterior motive, can turn around your partner’s whole day. So make it a regular habit to pick out the things you love about them, and tell them so.
Have silly rituals
Just like you used to keep inside jokes with your best friends in school, having inside rituals and references can keep your relationship intimate—and playful, which is an element many long-term relationships begin to lack.
Whether it’s pet names, catch phrases, or random rituals, cultivate a sense of fun and camaraderie by creating those wonderful things that “no one else gets.” It reinforces the world that you and your partner share and keeps things fun, especially when times get stressful.
Hug it out
Kiss, cuddle, hold hands at the grocery store—for no special reason. You know, all that cutesy stuff you used to do when you were head over heels for each other. Physical contact is proven to create feelings of intimacy and to relieve stress—two things every strong relationship thrives on. If your partner isn’t the overly amorous type, try less love-dovey actions like giving them a back rub at the end of a long day (and asking for one in return!)
Give spontaneous gifts
They don’t need to be the wrapped kind. Make your partner their favorite meal, just because. Leave a mushy love note on the bathroom mirror so they’ll find it when they wake up in the morning. Pack a picnic lunch and drive your partner to the park without telling them where you’re going or what the plan is. Little, unexpected gestures can inject some romance and specialness into the most ordinary of days.
Grow as individuals
This one may seem a little counterintuitive, but allowing each other some space and “me” time to explore your own interests will help you stay strong as a couple. Part of the exhilaration of falling in love is getting to know your partner and discovering all their layers and nuances. Allow each other to thrive as individuals, and you’ll never find yourself in that awkward situation where you have nothing to talk about at a restaurant.
Date nights
Yes, that’s the go-to solution. But that’s because they work, especially if you’re normally wrapped up in work and kids and errands. Schedule alone time on the calendar just like you would any other event, and stick to that commitment.
Spice it up
How you do this is between you, your partner, and your bed sheets, but one of the biggest complaints long-term couples have is that sex becomes obligatory, routine, and boring. So try something different. Ask your partner what they’d be interested in trying, and be willing to share your ideas. You never know what might happen…
by desing | Faith & Purpose, Our Media, Tools
Just like corporate organizations, it is essential to your legacy to have a personal mission statement for your life. It will keep you in check and help you make the best decisions for your life according to your goals, values and standards. I want you to check this video out and feel free to share your personal mission statement.
by desing | Faith & Purpose
Journaling. Similar to the “Dear Diary” days of your teens – minus the hormonal dramatics, add a splash of focus and a twist of purpose. I know, I know…there are a thousand reasons as to why you can’t or don’t have time. It’s not easy to just sit down and start writing, nor is it easy to carve out quiet time to compose your thoughts into words but usually that’s exactly what’s need to get started – to just sit, and write. Procrastination allows you to justify not keeping promises to yourself; it tells you, that YOU are not worth YOUR own time!
Fall in love and stay in love with you, make it a priority. Journaling is a great way to self-express fully and truthfully. You can write down everything you’ve ever wanted to say, everything you’ve ever done, and everything you’ve ever experienced. You can fill it with dreams and aspirations that you want to come true or you can simple write down everything your grateful for. This is a personal space that is uniquely yours; designed by you, for you. Journaling is the best free gift you can give yourself.
By simply putting your ideas on paper, “thinking on paper”, is the doorway to a clearer mind, focused decision making, dream realization and an unbelievable increase in self-esteem. Find a bound journal that you like — a pretty cover, your favorite color, or a plain jacket that you can decorate yourself. Check to see if the pages are lined (some folks prefer more freedom of creativity than lined paper allows). If not concerned with frills and aesthetics, you may be satisfied with a simple spiral-bound notebook.
Keep your journal on your bedside stand. Before you turn off the lights for the night, write a minimum of five self-compliments in the journal; any and every compliment counts here. Whatever makes you feel good, from a good hair day, facilitating a productive meeting at work, to cooking an awesome meal for your friends and family. Before long you’ll realize (along with everyone else) how smart, healthy, considerate and good-looking you are.
You’ll find it’s worth improving. You are worth the efforts of sufficient sleep, a healthy diet, an exercise plan, a relaxing vacation, a less stressful (and more fun) job… the list goes on and on.
You’re worth it all, baby! You’ll see.
by desing | Faith & Purpose
“There are too many things to do and not enough time in the day!” If that statement sounds familiar to you, you’re not alone. Our world has become so plugged in and productivity-oriented that it’s no wonder many of us feel overwhelmed most of the time. Between our jobs, our families, our hobbies, and who knows what else, how do you manage to get everything done on time?
The simple answer is: You don’t. That’s right, you read that correctly. There is no way for one person to do everything all the time without burning out, so the first step in becoming truly productive is to let go of the need to “do it all.” Being productive doesn’t mean doing it all; it means making sure the important things get done, and learning to accept that some things will fall through the cracks. (And that that’s okay!)
A great way to figure out how to prioritize your infinite to dos is the well-known “big rocks/little rocks” method.
How It Works
We all have 24 hours in a day. That’s non-negotiable. The key to productivity is deciding the best way to use those 24 hours.
Your bucket: Picture your day as a bucket—a finite, solid container that can only be filled to its brim and no further. Once you’ve hit the top (the end of the day), you’re done. Whatever’s left over will either have to be let go or become a task for another day.
Your big rocks: Your big rocks are the things you absolutely have to get done that day. Going to work, eating, sleeping, and caring for your children are some of the obvious and daily big rocks. Grocery shopping, mowing your overgrown lawn, and going to the doctor are other big rocks you need to get done to keep your life running smoothly. As you’re planning out your day, fill your bucket with these big rocks first. These are the things you’ll do before thinking about anything else on your to do list.
Your small rocks: Your small rocks are the things you’d like to get done, but that won’t throw your world into chaos if you can’t get around to them today. Weeding the garden. Catching up on your e-mail. Picking up that dry cleaning you don’t need immediately. The good thing about small rocks is they can fit in all the little spaces between your big rocks. This means that, once you’re done with your big rocks (or if you’re between big rocks, like waiting at the doctor’s office), you can try to get as many little tasks done as you like. If you can get a bunch done, that’s great! But if you can’t, you still know you’ve done what you needed to that day, because your big rocks have been tended to.
Accept Your Limitations
No one can get to all of their little rocks in one day. Sometimes we’re lucky if we can tackle all the big ones. Accept the fact that you’re only human and that things will come up to derail your schedule. Do as many of the big rocks as you can, and then go easy on yourself by knowing you’ve done the best you could. Tomorrow is another day. Just keep working on those big rocks first, and in the grand scheme of things, everything important will get taken care of.
About Kelly Gurnett
Kelly Gurnett, a.k.a. “Cordelia,” runs the blog Cordelia Calls It Quits, where she documents her attempts to rid her life of the things that don’t matter and focus more on the things that do. You can follow her on Twitter and Facebook and check out her ebook here. She also offers her services as a blogger extraordinaire to those in need of some bloggy awesomeness.
by desing | Faith & Purpose
We face choices every day. Some are easier than others (whether to splurge for a night out to eat or stay in and cook vs. whether to leave the security of your hometown and strike out on a new adventure).
Most of us are pretty good about weighing these decisions logically—and we should be. Things like making pro/con lists and considering all the outcomes are necessary to make sure that ultimately we do the right thing.
But what about when “the right thing” isn’t necessarily logical? What if your pro/con lists are equally balanced, or something in your gut is telling you that you should go for one choice over the other (in spite of some logical difficulties)?
That’s when trusting your instincts comes in. Don’t be afraid of how New Age-y that might sound; it isn’t a matter of having a dream that tells you what to do or running blindly at a choice just because it “feels right.” It’s more a matter of trusting your inner wisdom and experience to guide you.
Here are some key things to keep in mind when learning to trust your own instincts:
Listen to those nagging thoughts. You’re interviewing contractors for a project, and one of them seems like he’d be the best fit, but something just “feels off.” You can’t put your finger on it; he just makes you uncomfortable.
Our subconscious can react to certain places, people, and situations in ways that don’t make sense to our conscious minds. But we should be careful to pay attention to these reactions, because they could be cluing us in to some important things. Maybe that contractor’s mannerisms are triggering memories of someone you dealt unsuccessfully with in the past, which could mean he’ll wind up being difficult, too.
Watch for your “fight or flight” response. Our bodies often tip us off to things we’re not cognitively aware of. Sure, we can be nervous or scared to make a big decision (like taking a new job) and still have it be the right choice—but watch out for deeper, pervasive feelings like dread that you just can’t seem to shake.
If you find yourself trying to justify all the reasons why that new job would be a smart decision, yet you still get a sinking feeling in your stomach every time you think about it, it could be your inner voice telling you that something about this plan is just not right for you. Maybe it looks great on paper, but it wouldn’t mesh well with who you really are.
Similarly, if you’re walking through a dim parking lot at night and you sense that something might be wrong, trust that gut feeling and be extra-aware of your surroundings. Maybe you noticed something for a split-second out of the corner of your eye that your conscious brain didn’t register. Maybe you half-heard a story about a local attack that happened in a similar parking lot as you were folding the laundry with the news on in the background.
Vet your instincts. Sometimes we’re convinced that someone is “the one”…that our coworker has it out for us…that our flight is going to crash…and they’re actually false instincts. Our fears, preconceptions, and bad past experiences can sometimes cause us to react to certain situations in ways that are biased.
So, how do you know when it’s right to trust your instincts? Here are a few tips:
- Sleep on it. If after several days of deliberation, you still feel the way you do, chances are it’s not a snap judgment but rather something deeper.
- Compare similar situations to the one you’re in now. Did your instincts lead you astray then? Do you normally tend to overreact in this kind of situation?
- Get outside feedback. Bounce your feelings off friends and family who know you well; they may be able to recognize patterns you repeat that you didn’t realize you have.
by desing | Faith & Purpose, Tools
Whether your big dream is to start your own business, become CEO of your company or travel the world, it can be hard to keep pushing forwards sometimes. You start to wonder if you can do it. You start to wonder if you’re reaching too high. Big dreams take a lot of determination and faith.
Whatever your dream is, we all need help at times keeping ourselves motivated. So here are some key things to keep in mind as you strive towards that fantastic, awesome dream of yours:
If you believe you can do it, you can do it.
That may sound like a new age cliché, but some of the most extraordinary dreams were accomplished by people who insisted on believing in themselves, regardless of how many people doubted. The Wright brothers believed that human beings could fly. When you stop and think about it, it still seems like a ridiculous impossibility. And yet, they made it happen. If they could do that, what can’t you accomplish?
When you chase your dreams, you encourage others to chase theirs.
Maybe your coworker has secretly been miserable with her job for months, but she won’t get up the courage to quit until she sees you make a go with your new business. Maybe your daughter has dreams of doing charity work in needy countries when she grows up, but society tells her she should go where the money is. If she sees you following your heart and your passions, regardless of what anyone else thinks of them, imagine the example you’ll be setting for her.
You don’t know what’s possible until you try—and then the possibilities can seem endless.
Every time you get closer to your dream, you open all sorts of new possibilities for yourself. You learn skills you never thought you’d learn. You meet people you never thought you’d meet. And you prove to yourself time and again that you can do whatever you set your mind to. Each of us has within us an infinite number of possibilities; start chasing after them and you’ll be amazed how many more reveal themselves.
The critics know nothing. (That’s why they’re so vocal.)
When you boldly follow a big dream, there will be plenty of people who are eager to tell you why it’s impractical, why it’s impossible, why it’s foolish. Ignore them. They are near-sighted, narrow-minded, and jealous because secretly they had big dreams too, once, but they didn’t have the courage to pursue them. Listening to constructive criticism is one thing, but listening to these naysayers is another. Don’t do it. They’re not worth your energy.
One of the Worst Regrets is “What if?”
Even if you fall short of your dream, or it doesn’t come out exactly the way you envisioned it, at least you’ll have tried. Reaching for the moon and landing among the stars is infinitely better than living a safe, secure life and always wondering if the back of your mind “what could have been.” The journey itself is worth so much. Enjoy every aspect along the way, and know that whatever may come, you are living your life to its fullest.
You only have this life.
We hear it so often that it’s lost its impact on us, but sit back for a second and really, truly contemplate that: This is the only life you have, and you have no idea how much time you will be given. Why in the world would you ever want to spend it doing anything less than chasing your dream?
