A Network That Works FOR You

by desing | Faith & Purpose, Tools

I’ve come to believe that there are two different types of people in this world. There is the person who makes something happen and the other who watches others make things happen. I’m constantly checking to see what the difference between these people is and there are several differences that I have noticed. A group of people can be “dealt the same cards of life” but then only a few manage to rise up and lead their lives to the optimal place that they want, refusing to settle along the way. Along with being driven, focused, disciplined and hard-working, I have also noticed this key factor – they are NOT scared to go outside of their comfort zone, meet new people and build meaningful relationships.

This is such a great character trait to have. However, I see many of us ladies who can be scared, timid or who fear rejection when it comes to building relationships with new people to create a star-studded network. I’ve noticed that most of life’s greatest opportunities will come your way from the people that you know. The power in relationships is beyond anything that you can imagine. It’s the reason people can keep a job they should have lost or get a job that they are under-qualified for. I have seen it happen dozens of times and I’m sure that you have too.

I’m a relational person so one of my core strengths is building relationships with other people which I know may not come easy to those of you who are a little more introverted. I believe I have a FANTASTIC group of people in my network who are not only incredible at what they do and who are remarkable people, but who also support me. When I think about how blessed I am to know them, I am humbled with gratitude. I think that one of the major reasons that hinders some of us women from creating a powerful network is the fear of rejection so we sit comfortably in our circle of friends which we’ve known for years. There is nothing wrong with that but you should have a diverse group of people that you can talk to about relationships, career, business, finances, faith etc. This is about finding people who are in your “rhythm” and who can be an asset to your network in accordance to the vision you want to birth. If you are make-up artist with the intention of being a celebrity make-up artist then you should know other MUA’s, stylists, and media personnel. If you are an entrepreneur of a tech company, then you should know others “techies” and people in your industry.

So I am here to help you with a few special tips of how to build a star-studded network:

1. Start where you are. There is always someone who you have access to who can help you get to where you want to go. Think of anyone you may know of that you want to further build with or perhaps someone you may know can introduce you to someone.
2. Introductions are LIFE-SAVERS! People will pay attention to you more when someone they know and trust introduces you to them. Do not be afraid to ask for an introduction if someone you know has access to someone you want to meet.
3. When meeting someone for the first time, extend your hand for a firm handshake, smile, look them in the eye and introduce yourself. This demonstrates confidence.
4. Always have your business cards ready. I carry my cards with me EVERYWHERE I go; you never know when you may meet someone. Don’t be afraid to ask someone for their card either.
5. FOLLOW UP! One of my pet peeves is when people say “O yeah, I’ll reach out to you,” only to never hear from them. If you say you are going to reach out to someone, then do it. Honor your word because whether or not you do is going to affect your reputation. Trust me when I say that word of mouth is powerful and people will warn others about you if you are someone who lacks consistency.
6. How do you follow up after you get the business card? Glad you asked! It’s simple as sending them a simple email within a week of meeting them. You don’t want to do it the next day because you do not want to seem too aggressive. Wait a few days and send a simple email stating that it was nice to meet them, give them a recap of whatever words you shared when meeting and that you look forward to keeping in touch.
7. Take it a step further. If you met this person and you have discussed connecting soon over lunch or coffee then hold people to their word. I do this because I want to show people how I want to be treated. As aforementioned, I’m not a fan of people not honoring their word so I hold people accountable to what they said. So I will simply state in the email something along the lines of setting up time to catch lunch or coffee soon.
8. When you do finally get time with that person over the lunch or the coffee then make sure that you pick up the bill and do your homework on what the other person has accomplished. You want to have some sort of talking points in your head.  Ask questions. This demonstrates that you care enough to do some research on the person before inviting them out.
9. Please change the generic message on LinkedIn to something a little more specific when requesting people in your network. “Nice to meet you at…” or “We went to the same school and I wanted to reconnect.” You want to be specific so people can recognize you.
10. Get to know people! At the end of the day, you want to connect with people. Get to know who they are, where they grew up, if they have any children etc. You may find commonalities that you share which can be an aspect that you can discuss more and build upon. People want to know that they matter and it’s our job to do so. Be authentic with people and be someone who can serve them.

I can literally go on and on here but I will stick with these (10) points for now. The most important factor is to get over the fear of rejection when meeting new people. Another person’s opinion of you shouldn’t change your opinion of you. Be yourself. Be a woman of integrity who is committed to excellence and others will take notice.

As always, it’s my honor to serve!

XOXO,

Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy

Be Still and Wait!

by desing | Faith & Purpose, Tools

We all have those moments in our lives where we are looking for answers to some pretty tough questions. Should I leave my job and pursue my dream? Should I take this offer for a new job and relocate? Is this the person that I should say “I do” to? Should I buy this house or wait for something better?

Some questions in life are way easier than others; however, we all have those seasons in our lives where the answer we choose to the question being posed can have a life-long consequence – good or bad. I find myself in that season as we speak and I am learning how to get those answers in order to lead an optimal life.

What I have noticed is that I do not need to seek much guidance outside of myself to get the answer that I need. Sometimes we make the mistake of looking for guidance in places where we will get the answers we want instead of the answer that we need. A few years ago I was in one of the toughest seasons in my life where I had to make the choice of remaining miserable at my job in the music industry or to choose a leap of faith and pursue my purpose. I tossed back and forth but eventually I got my answer loud and clear one night in prayer which you can read more about in my e-book, Love Your Legacy: How to UnMask Your Truth to Discover Your Purpose and Birth Your Vision. Needless to say, I took that leap of faith and I’m so glad that I did!

So what do we do in order to get those answers? Here is the first thing that I do. I wait to get the answer I need from my inner being which I believe is God speaking to me. When we quiet our thoughts and enter a place of stillness and peace knowing that we are not alone and loved by Almighty God, then you can begin to unveil your answers. I would rather wait to get the right answer instead of rushing to make a foolish decision out of fear. Which brings me to my next point.

When I’m stuck and I need to make a decision quickly and confidently, I always go with the answer that is not rooted in fear. I am learning that when we operate out of fear, it can leave us restless and insecure. I know that fear and God do not go hand in hand; love and God do, so I always choose love and not fear.

Another key to getting good answers is to talk to people BUT be careful of who you choose to talk to. I know the strengths and weaknesses of people in my life and there are certain people who I will not talk about business decisions with because they simply will not understand. My faith is my rock and I know that not many people will understand that in some instances so if I am having a faith battle, I call on my sisters who can relate to me on that level. Disappointment comes when what actually happened does not meet our expectations so I have learned to manage my expectations from others and talk to those who I know can understand the dilemma I may be facing.

Although talking to people is a good option, I am sure that you can find the answers that you need to your tough questions on the inside of you. I believe in prayer and I believe that if you ask God for guidance, He will always answer you. It may not be the answer you wanted, but it’s always the answer you need.

One of our biggest failures in our society is that we are highly impatient with each other, ourselves and life. We rush to the next thing without taking the time to be still and wait for the answer. Once you get the answer, trust yourself enough to make the decision. You have something powerful on the inside of you and it’s called “instinct.” You have the power to make the best decisions for your life. Others may not understand but it’s not their place to. Trust that quiet inner voice inside of you and you cannot go wrong.

The last thing I want to leave you with is this. Just because things do not go the way you anticipated does not mean that you made the wrong decision. Trust your journey; your may be focusing on one speck of your life and that one speck can actually be the beautiful mark on the entire picture of your life. Change your focus 🙂

Be still, be patient and wait for your next move.

XOXO,

Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy

You Feel A Way?

by desing | Faith & Purpose, Tools

In order to remain relevant to my audience (particularly the teenage girls), I try to keep abreast of the colloquial terms of pop culture. There has been one phrase in which I am guilty of using and I have heard many of my friends use it as well. Although in my opinion it doesn’t really articulate much, nevertheless, people tend to get a gist of what it is that you mean when it’s used in a conversation.

“I feel a way” is a term that has been used over the years to express feeling hurt, disappointment, anger, or frustration about a particular situation. As aforementioned, I am very guilty of using this phrase in spite of my issues with doing so. Reason being is because I believe that many of us struggle with being able to effectively articulate our emotions which can lead to further miscommunication and unresolved issues within ourselves and with others.

A few years ago I discovered my personality temperament (which is your personality defined and explained in areas of inclusion, affection and control.) I learned the core of my personality which included dysfunctional behaviors, fears, strengths and weaknesses. Discovering my temperament helped me to identify and articulate my emotions to others in a way that was clear and understandable. Instead of using statements like “I feel a way about what you did,” I began saying things like “Your actions made me feel rejected which in turn hurt my feelings.” This was a MAJOR milestone in the relationship I had with myself and my relationship with others. The key here was communication.

Effective communication takes practice but it is something that as a woman who is living in her legacy, you will have to learn to do in order to achieve your best consciousness of self. If you cannot communicate to others clearly what it is that you are feeling on the inside then how can you expect others to understand you? Then when you feel misunderstood, you begin to internalize everything which can lead to feelings of loneliness. We do not grow in isolation but in community.

Another powerful point in being able to communicate your feelings effectively is that you will be able to identify if that emotion is valid in the particular situation. Let’s say that you are up for an important job role or huge opportunity and unfortunately you do not get the position; you can feel rejected or like you are not enough as a result of that. Nonetheless, if you recognize those emotions, articulate those to yourself then you can tell yourself that your feelings are not true because you are already whole, you are worthy, you are enough and you can move forward. Remember that we cannot always trust our emotions as truth.

It’s more than OK to feel things and sometimes we cannot help how we feel but we can help how we choose to react to those feelings. A woman of legacy is one who can identify and articulate her emotions in a truthful, loving way so that she can be in the best relationship with herself and consequently be in a better relationship with others.

Next time you “feel a way,” try to explain what it is that you feel. Communication is the KEY to better relationships and a better life.

As always, it’s my honor to serve.

XOXO,

Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy

What Do You Stand For?

by desing | Faith & Purpose, Tools

If you’ve been following me for a while then you have heard me say that our lives are shaped by the decisions we make. Therefore, if you want a better life then you have to make better choices. Every choice we make is actually a value judgment; our decisions are influenced by our values. Our values are what matter to us most, it’s what we stand for, and they are a representation of who we really are.

If I asked you what it is that you stand for, what do you think your answer would be? There is a quote that says “If you stand for nothing, then you will fall for anything.” Is it just me or are we drifting into a society where no one wants to be held accountable for their actions anymore? Everyone wants to say and do as they please without experiencing the consequences of doing so. Maturity does not come with age, but it comes with accepting responsibility for our actions.

Of course, I don’t want you to be one of those people. You were created to be your BEST. I believe that being your best involves living in the greatest consciousness and awareness of who you are and why it is that you choose to do what you do in every circumstance. In order to do so, you have to identify your values. Furthermore, you have to know the ranking of those values in your life or it can lead to confusion and poor decision making. For example, let’s say that you value career as something that is at the top of your list and then you meet a potential suitor who also values career. You’re thinking, “This is great! We share the same values, he’s a keeper!” But you forgot to go one step further in understanding if each other’s values are as relevant as the other may think. He may value career, but after spirituality, family, integrity and health. Career is 5^th on his list and career is #1 on your; which is safe to conclude that you may run into some disagreements later down the line.

Consequently, this week, I want you to answer these questions and I want you to take it seriously.

• What do I value?
• What order are my values in or what’s my value ranking?
• What do I stand for?

Once you are clear on what you value then you can become better at making optimal decisions for your life. We have the power to be the change that we want to see in the world and set the tone of our environment instead of allowing our environment to control us. Be clear on who you are and what you stand for. It’s perfectly fine if others may not agree with you, they are allowed to do so. Nevertheless, I want you to be a woman who stands for something and is clear on what she will or will not allow in her life and why she will or will not allow it. Your values indicate your why, know them!

As always, it’s my honor to serve 🙂

XOXO,
Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy

Make Your Success Attractive

by desing | Faith & Purpose, Tools

We all have our moments on our journey of success where we may doubt our ability to push further or question the future. Let’s be honest. Some days are easier than others and on those hard days, the thought of quitting can frequent our thoughts.

I value remaining teachable and as the phenomenal woman Maya Angelou so eloquently said “When you learn, teach.” I value learning because I value teaching and I believe that part of my purpose is to teach. Every time I learn something new, I am dying to share it with whoever will listen because we all know that I am a talker!

I recently learned of a story about Jim Carrey and his journey of success which I found inspiring and insightful. Before Jim Carrey became the A-list actor in Hollywood that he is today, he was once a struggling actor in Los Angeles. Instead of moping around, making himself a victim and blaming everyone else for his circumstances, he decided to write himself a $10 million check and post dated for five years later. He put the check in his wallet and looked at it daily. He would drive up to a mountain overlooking Hollywood and speak words of encouragement to himself; telling himself things like “I am a great actor” or “Hollywood is going to call me.” Do you know that five years after he wrote that check, he had already scored films like “The Mask” and “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective” and others? His asking price at the time was $20 million per film! He doubled what he proclaimed and spoke into existence!

Here is my point, success is attractive and it’s a journey. Of course Jim Carrey was making success attractive by activating the law of attraction but he was also committed to the journey and did his work. This is the same mindset that we have to have. If you want the benefits of the outcome of success, then you have to be willing to commit to the process and pay the price because it is going to cost you. Many of us choose comfortable but yet unfilled lives because we fear the process. If you want to birth a child, then you have to go through your (9) months of pregnancy and then hours of labor, so why would we think that the journey of success will be any different? We must choose to commit to the process and pay the price.

Another thing I want to point out is that you have to learn what success means to you. The world says that wealth, fame, respected social status, or power is success but you do not have to accept that definition. A woman who is CEO of Fortune 500 company is no more successful than a woman who is a stay-at-home and we as women have to encourage others idea of success. Now if you want to be CEO of your own company and you are allowing your fear to hold you back so you choose to settle, then that’s a problem. You have the power to choose and make your life successful in the way you see fit. Remember that what you have been called to do, you have been gifted to do.

It’s more than OK to have big dreams and to pursue those dreams.  You are going to have to work at it daily. Write down your goals and look at them each day. Think of things that you can do daily to achieve your goals. Success is a lifestyle; one that is whole, healthy, loving, well-balanced and centered. Make sure that your daily routine matches that and challenge yourself to grow.  It’s in those uncomfortable moments that we are growing and learning.

So I ask you, what are you going to do today to start making success attractive? Remember, someday is not a day of the week.

XOXO,

Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy
www.embraceherlegacy.com

Looking For Your Next High?

by desing | Faith & Purpose, Tools

“Until we accept and approve of ourselves, no amount of approval of others will keep us permanently secure.”

I read this earlier last week and had such an a-ha moment. I know so many of us who battle with wanting and needing the approval of others in order to feel valuable and secure. And I completely understand because at the end of the day we all want to feel loved and worthy. In this day of social media, we are hit with so many images of perceived success, value and power. Those of us who are ambitious and fighting to make our dreams a reality, want it, and we want it now. We want success, but I want to ask you something. What does success mean to you? Think about it, I’ll wait.

Is your definition of success something that you decided or is it what the world defines as success? How do you choose to measure your success?

What I’m trying to get at here is that oftentimes our level of success is determined by what others feel is successful or what others say. If we don’t have enough followers on social media, thousands in our bank account, people at our launch event, or the approval of (insert a celebrity name here), then we are not succeeding. But who said so?

I believe that we want the success that the world defines and approval of others in order to believe that we are successful; however, if you do not value and approve of yourself then you will always be looking for the next thing to make you feel better, worthy and successful. It’s almost as if you are looking for your next high which is no different from a drug-addict who goes around looking for the next hit to make him or her high again. So many of us can be going from goal to goal, event to event, looking for our next high in order to feel better about ourselves. You get 1000 followers, now you won’t be happy until you get 10,000. You sold 300 copies of your book and now you won’t be satisfied until you sell 1,000. I’m not telling you to set goals and achieve them but be clear on the intention of your goals. Are you trying to keep up with anyone else? Are you trying to prove the world that you are successful? Are you trying to get the approval of others? Most of who shouldn’t even matter anyway.

You are whole, worthy and valuable just as you are. Your circumstances or what others have to say about you should not dictate how you feel about yourself. If you value success, then you are going to have to be willing to pay the price for it and if that means no one shows up to your first event, you lose money for the first (2) years of your business, you’re still living at home because you rather save money or you have 10 followers on social media then so be it. Success is a journey and should be measured by you only. If others do not approve of what you’re doing then know that how they feel is between them and God. As long as you are giving it your best, investing into your future and taking advantage of every day you have to grow then you are well on your way!

Do I have major goals? Absolutely! Do I want to make a huge impact on this world? Of course. But I am learning that it’s my journey and I cannot allow the approval of others to make me or break me. I refuse to give my power away to another to judge or reject me. My value and worth is in the fact that God is with me, He loves me, He is for me and He has plans to prosper me and not to fail me. If the creator of the universe thinks I’m awesome, then why will I allow someone else’s opinion of me change my opinion of me? He is ordering my steps so I’m pretty sure that He knows what He’s doing.

Focus on your journey, measure your own success and smile because you are being molded and prepared to do what you’ve been called to do. Your time is now, embrace each moment and continue to put one foot in front of the other!

XOXO,

Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy

Can’t Trust Your Emotions As Truth

by desing | Faith & Purpose, Tools

I was on the fence about what I should focus on for this week’s message as I mentioned to my boyfriend that I wanted to focus on managing emotions and he immediately agreed. His exact words were “Yea, women could use that, you know how y’all are.” I laughed it off but then I realized that he was actually on point with that comment.

As much as we like to put on our superhero capes on and go out into the world to be the best women we can be, we have to face the fact that we as women are indeed emotional creatures and our emotions are part of the exact essence of being a woman. We are, by nature, nurturers, helpers and encouragers. Our determination to become our best in ourselves, our homes and our careers inspires me on a daily basis. However, just as with anything else, there is a flip side to our emotions which can be an impediment to our wholeness, growth, peace of mind and security.

Emotions can be tricky sometimes because they are personal. You are indeed entitled to experience and share your truth in a situation but that does not make it the truth. Just because you “feel a way” does not mean that “that” emotion that you are experiencing is the absolute truth in a particular circumstance. Many of our decisions we make are influenced by how we feel instead of what we know. And every decision you make is a value judgment. Your decisions are a direct reflection of what you value.

We fail when we do not have some sort of lens to identify why we may “feel a way” or have the ability to clearly articulate it and thus allow our emotions to control our behavior. The behavior of which is oftentimes impulsive, irrational, irresponsible and sometimes self-destructive. Part of growing as woman is getting to know who you are and identify your triggers so you can then better deal with your emotions while in the heat of the moment.

Let me share an example.

Let’s say your friend makes a comment that you do not like and it made you feel inferior. Your feelings are hurt and you feel that your friend thinks that she is better than you. However, the real problem may be that you may have some issues with believing that you are worthy and you allow others people opinion of you to define you instead of your own. But instead of thinking of it like that, you think your friend is being judgmental when in fact you’re judging yourself. Your friend could have made the comment harmlessly without any malicious intent. But in your mind, your emotions have led you to think otherwise. See what I mean when I say you cannot always trust your emotions as truth?

Following our emotions can lead us to do things that may not be the best for our well-being. You cannot always do what you feel like doing because you will probably never get it done or you’ll probably do something irrational if you always follow your emotions. Learn to control your emotions. You may not be able to control how you feel but you can always choose how you will reach to those emotions. Manage your emotions; do not let them manage you.

XOXO,

Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy